Could you see it coming a mile off?

[pigletmaker]

I have been seeing a lot of threads recently where women are contemplating leaving their DH's or DP's for some long term bad behaviour / drinking / cheating / etc that just won't go away or improve, or because they're simply now feeling not "happy".

I'm wondering if there was the germ of an idea of this being the case at the start, or at the time the couple decided to marry / move in together / have a child?

Is it that in many cases people have felt hopeful that their DPs WILL change and over time discovered that they won't? Or that they'll love their DP's more if they just marry / co-habit / produce lovely babies? and find that doesn't happen?

I am genuinely interested to know.

[MurderousMaveta]

well I left my ex after 7 years but we weren´t married/no kids, although we did live together. It was also after several years of the same old problems. Yes, I genuinely thought/hoped my ex would change even though I know fine well people don´t and many a time had advised other friends not to wait around for their partners to change etc etc. Hard to see the wood for the trees and all that..

I had a kind of epiphany one day where I just went; enough of this shit. And I´ve never looked back

[FrightOwl]

in my case i rushed into things with ex dp. i was 18 when i met him, thought i'd found "the one". we did everything together, had friends but never needed anyone else's company. he was my best friend. he was so loving and caring...would do anything for me, literally anything.

we met in april 1996. started dating end of may 1996. got engaged in august 1996. bought a house in october 1996. started trying for a baby in december 1996.

it started going wrong then...he became snappy and withdrawn. i thought he was working too hard (he did work a lot of hours). by the time i realised this was how it was, i was pregnant. it only got worse.

i stuck it for 3 1/2 years and then gave up. since then ive seen him do exactly the same thing over and over. he meets a girl, is blinded by "love". gives up his home, moves in with her and her parents..shortly after that he will lose his job because he cares about nothing but his gf. then they rent a house, he gets another job...things start going sour, he gets paranoid that noone can love him, treats girl like crap. she throws him out, he sleeps on a friend's floor for six months.

then he pulls himself together and gets his own place, meets a girl....and round and round it goes.

for me, once was enough. ive lived on my own ever since.

i didnt see it coming, but i was young. these days im probably too much the other way. i am unwilling to let anyone get close in case the same thing happens. possibly why im single, im too wrapped up in kids, home and work. i like my space..any inkling of jealousy or possessiveness and im out of there like a shot.