New lockdown and dating

[foreverlonely]

NC for this

My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me recently and I am keen to get back to dating. I am 30 and wasted too much time with him as it turns out he was incapable of committing. I am disappointed to hear about the new lockdown and worried about how it will affect my ability to date. I already feel like life has passed me by these last 2 years and that I have wasted time. I want to find the right person and settle down and have children but with a lockdown how am I ever going to even find anyone to date, let alone have a relationship with?

Anyone else feeling the same or have any words of reassurance/advice?

[Student133]

I actually met my partner back in the old lockdown, via online dating. As there aren't really any avenues to meet people in person I'd say give it ago, I was chatting to my partner for a week online before we met up for a walk in a local park, then we really hit it off! The last 6 months would have been unbearably miserable without them, so as it sounds like you're on your own, I'd say chat plenty online (if you are doing it this way) or treat it as them being in your bubble. It might be like this for the next year, and quite honestly human intimacy is really important, so you can square it with the risks however you feel comfortable.

[foreverlonely]

@Student133 thank you for sharing your success story! I really hope that dating can still continue. Walks in the park are less appealing in the winter though!

I am doing it online but finding it soul destroying if I am honest. So many matches, not many replies, those who do reply tend not to be able to hold a conversation or only want 'fun'. I have no idea how serious relationships come out of these apps, it's getting me down

[foreverlonely]

@Student133 which apps did you use? I am on tinder, bumble and hinge. Pof was a nightmare, I came off that sharpish!

[Dontletitbeyou]

Have a friend who met her DP on eharmony . Her thought being that if a guy has to pay for subscription, he’s more likely to be serious. She met a few guys that were really nice but she didn’t feel that spark with .
I don’t know, it all seems a big of a minefield. Lots of game players, and guys with issues out there. It’s a numbers game In the end .
Good luck , hope someone nice comes your way soon x

[Mermaidwaves]

I'm online dating too and finding it really hard. Nearly every single man seems to have serious issues once you start chatting to them, and thats the ones that can actually hold a conversation! Or they are just looking for a FWB situation which for me has led to heartbreak before. There must surely be the odd decent man on the apps so I guess we must keep looking.

[Student133]

@foreverlonely
Aw, sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it, I think a lot of it comes down to expectations and being realistic about them. I'm 21 and so I use tinder in the same way i would chatting to people at a bar, lots of them will be dicks, and i expect this. I also wouldn't say that it'll be massively quick either, I was on and off tinder for ages before I met my partner, and i think a lot of it is down to luck, but that doesn't mean don't give it a shot. Just like you don't know who you'll meet on a night out, same on OLD, the benefit is you know the other person is attracted to you, so you dont need to be quite as reserved as in person!

[B1rdflyinghigh]

I signed up to Facebook dating. I started chatting to what seems to be a really lovely and normal man! That might be worth a look too?

[Hairbrush767]

OK, first, breathe. My friend was single at 30, met her partner at 31, is currently 32 and their baby is due next month. You have a whole decade ahead of you to meet someone and have children.

However, you're right to be proactive with it. I met my husband on tinder. I had a fair few terrible dates, and some great dates where they didn't want it to go any further and I was gutted. Then I met my husband. I went on a date a week roughly. Persevere, don't be afraid to meet people you're not sure of. Lockdown can work to your advantage - a short walk is much better than hours and money wasted in bars.

[foreverlonely]

Thank you everyone, I guess I have to not give up hope but it's hard when you come across so many idiots! @Mermaidwaves I feel your pain. And it is so unbelievably time consuming!

@Student133 I really like the idea of it being like chatting to people at a bar - that's a great tip, thank you.

@B1rdflyinghigh I hadn't even heard of facebook dating so that's a great suggestion, thank you!

@Hairbrush767 thank you for sharing your success story. I think part of my worry is just the whole process of meeting someone new, getting to know them, trying to build something etc. It's so exhausting spending time chatting to people only to find that you don't click when you meet in real life.

[LC15]