Advanced search

First date now there won’t be a second

(23 Posts)
Bex19999 Mon 26-Oct-20 22:55:33


I went on a first date on Friday with a guy I’d been talking to for around a month..met online. He seemed really nice Convo flowed straight away. Was maybe a slight red flag hes not even been broken up from his daughters mum for a year yet (January) and the child isn’t even two yet.. second red flag he only mentioned he had a child 3 days before the date. I let that slide as we got on well.

I thought the date went really well.. he was giving a lot of compliments saying he was attracted to me spoke a lot about both our lives he said he wanted more children and within the next few years ( I have no children and ideally with the right person would want this too) he made it seem he was looking for a Rship.. spoke about second date we sat in the car at 10 (curfew) for two hours talking loads and he was saying how glad he was he came etc. I live alone him with family.. it was pretty obvious he wanted to come back here and I was no way going to allow that.. we kissed once which was ok but then he kept going in for more kisses and I felt it was becoming a bit heated and I wasn’t comfortable. Tried to touch my leg etc.

Date ended and we both went our separate ways.. text me when he got in saying how he had a really nice time and would speak to me tommorow (Saturday ) anyways I didn’t hear from him and thought it was a bit strange. He then messaged me this evening and said we are on different paths and how he can tell I really wants kids and that’s not for him right now etc etc and how I’m a nice woman but he feels it would be pressured etc and not laid back ? I honestly am in shock ! It was him saying all the stuff about kids etc on the night and talking about a second date

I’m thinking he just wanted sex now!

Sorry for long post

OP’s posts: |
ZombieOtter Mon 26-Oct-20 22:57:46

Sounds like you dodged a bullet there! It does sound like he was just after one thing. What a loser😡

HirplesWithHaggis Mon 26-Oct-20 22:59:37

I think you're right. No great loss.

Shizzlestix Mon 26-Oct-20 23:01:29

Of course he wanted sex! Two kids since January? Run!

Gncq Mon 26-Oct-20 23:03:00

Yeah he only said all that sort of thing to get into bed.
He's probably back at home with his wife and kids now.

TwentyViginti Mon 26-Oct-20 23:03:03

As is often said on here;

The trash took itself out.......

Don't ignore red flags in the future, OP.

Bex19999 Mon 26-Oct-20 23:08:26

Not sure if my post was confusing but it’s not two kids since January.. they broke up in January and the kid is nearly two.. but yes was after one thing it seems

OP’s posts: |
Chattycatty Mon 26-Oct-20 23:11:34

Just be glad your post isn't about being ghosted after having sex with a new guy

ShopoholicIn Mon 26-Oct-20 23:13:14

@Bex19999 thanks for clarifying the January break up n kids thing . as pp said your dodged a bullet he was just focused on one thing..

wishing3 Mon 26-Oct-20 23:13:17

Well dodged,OP. What a plonker!

Mermaidwaves Mon 26-Oct-20 23:15:34

Sooo common with online dating, honestly its the pits. I do wonder if there are any men not just looking for a hook up on there. Chin up OP I've been there loads, you become very cynical after a while, take everything they say with a pinch of salt.

Enough4me Mon 26-Oct-20 23:19:14

He wanted sex at yours or in the car. He is probably stringing along others for ONS at the same time. His loss OP, you are free to find a caring regular man.

Bex19999 Mon 26-Oct-20 23:22:02

He’s blocked from everything now removed on social media etc and unmatched on the app. No big loss but I thought we really got on. I can see him in my block list as his pic is still up so he’s clearly not blocked me

OP’s posts: |
12309845653ghydrvj Mon 26-Oct-20 23:43:31

He’s a total turd, just glad you found this out early! The cheek of some of them, to go in so heavy on all the commitment they want, get hot and heavy, get told they’re not having sex and then they decided you’re the one who spent ages banging on about all the commitment you want? Honestly he sounds like a loser, and you can be sure what he was after as he had a clear (crap) game plan.

MMmomDD Mon 26-Oct-20 23:45:35

It’s online dating for you. Lots of frog kissing. Numbers game.
At least you didn’t waste too much time on him.

12309845653ghydrvj Mon 26-Oct-20 23:48:33

But be goad you only had to kiss the frog to find out grin

Bex19999 Mon 26-Oct-20 23:56:12

Definitely had a lucky escape and glad it was after one date.. just to add after saying all of this he still said he was open to seeing how things go if I want too!! Wtf I told him NO

OP’s posts: |
Eesha Tue 27-Oct-20 05:37:32

Perhaps he was making excuses because he thought you weren't interested enough and wanted to get in there first with his lame excuse. I think you should be thankful you didn't sleep with him though.

EmbarrassedUser Tue 27-Oct-20 09:57:28

Yeah he was desperate for a shag, just be glad you kept your pants on. Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs (or in your case not!) but you’ll find someone at the right time for you.

Pyewhacket Tue 27-Oct-20 10:08:58

I wouldn't over think it. He was probably talking to other women and got his leg-over on the saturday and then got a tad creative with the "good bye", something he read I should think.

Glitterb Tue 27-Oct-20 10:17:27

Be grateful he removed himself from your life and didn’t keep stringing you along for months, unfortunately it is so common with online dating!

Bex19999 Tue 27-Oct-20 11:04:02

Thanks for your replies.. I’m not
Upset by it or anything I was just quite shocked as he seemed really in to me on the night and even the month talking before hand. But yes guess it was to get one thing only

OP’s posts: |
Enough4me Tue 27-Oct-20 17:52:10

His messages were probably cut-and-paste to several women. I did that in reverse when dating as didn't want to spend ages rewriting the same thing about my day. I talked to lots of men until we met for coffee a couple of times and I found a genuine one. You can rule a lot out by date 3.

So many players it's better to not invest emotionally until you have a couple of regular dates then focus on a genuine man. I really think the odds of available men to players is very high on OLD!

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in