divorce but don't have grounds!

[hashmirfenring]

I'll keep this short. I've been mulling over divorcing my partner. I lived alone for a long time and really really miss my autonomy, the freedom and just having my own space. I am fortunate in that my last child is due to turn 18 in the next 12 months. We have a mortgage free house, I am happy to hand that over to my partner and go mortgage a smaller flat, I have a decent saving level and another 15 years of work in my at a well salaried job so no problems there.

My problem is I have no grounds! We shared childcare 50/50 earned roughly equal, both have pensions, no one was disadvantaged. No arguments, nothing like that at all. I just want to be free!

How do I go about applying???

[Prufrocks]

Have you spoken to your “partner”?

[hashmirfenring]

No not yet and I won't be until I am settled in my mind and can talk cohesively about it, not just give something about needing space. Even I can see how poorly that sounds

Why quotation marks around partner?

[AliasGrape]

Why quotation marks around partner?

Presumably because if you’re planning on divorcing then they’re either your husband or your wife. Is there some reason you don’t want to call them that? Are you trying to obscure the sex for some reason?

You’d have to wait for a no fault divorce I should think. But why are you concerned about grounds and the application process before you’ve even spoken to the other person concerned and given the poor soul a heads up that their life is about to be turned upside down? If you’re planning on leaving then start with that (you really should have started talking to them long before this, it’s fucking unfair to present it as a fait accompli in my view) and worry about the legalities later.

[movingonup20]

There's two ways of divorcing if you aren't at loggerheads, with consent you separate for 2 years and if one of you doesn't consent wait 5 years

[EvenMoreFuriousVexation]

First things first - go and get legal advice from a solicitor. Take as much info as you can on finances - salaries, savings, assets (including property), pension values for both of you. They will advise on what constitutes a fair split and how to proceed.

I'd say there are two obvious routes to divorce:

1. Move out, wait 2 years, file for divorce on the grounds of 2years separation
2. File now on grounds of unreasonable behaviour and be guided by your solicitor on what to state. Or ask your spouse to file on those grounds, you pay their costs, you agree what to put in the petition.

Please be very careful in how you present this to your children. They must not be left feeling responsible for keeping you married against your will all these years.

[BilboBercow]

I think it's really sad that someone would end a long marriage, apparently because they fancied a change.

People fall out of love, I do understand that but keep in mind that the grass isn't always greener.

[islockdownoveryet]

I disagree about the legal advice first , I think the first thing you should do is discuss with your partner. Yes you are perfectly entitled to leave said partner and start a new life but you must discuss with him / her first doesn't he / she deserve that?
I also find it odd that you refer to partner why not husband/ wife ?
As in grounds for divorce I'm no divorce lawyer but If no grounds don't you have to be separated for a while ? Why can't you decide to do that why so final I don't honestly understand.
For someone you've been with such a long time you just want to divorce and go and even leave the house is there more to this ?

[Prufrocks]

Quotation marks because they’re clearly your spouse, male or female. The term partner is used to describe unmarried cohabiting couples.

I cannot wrap my head around the idea of offering advice to someone who hasn’t even discussed the issue with their husband/wife.

[waitrosetrollydolly]

I bought a second home that was close enough for me to go and 'decorate' and stay over when I wanted some time out. Would that work for you perhaps ? I still go there when I want a break. It's all decorated to my taste now and has all my books and no tv ! Bliss!

[MitziK]

@hashmirfenring

I'll keep this short. I've been mulling over divorcing my partner. I lived alone for a long time and really really miss my autonomy, the freedom and just having my own space. I am fortunate in that my last child is due to turn 18 in the next 12 months. We have a mortgage free house, I am happy to hand that over to my partner and go mortgage a smaller flat, I have a decent saving level and another 15 years of work in my at a well salaried job so no problems there.

My problem is I have no grounds! We shared childcare 50/50 earned roughly equal, both have pensions, no one was disadvantaged. No arguments, nothing like that at all. I just want to be free!

How do I go about applying???

Claim you've had an affair?

[LilyLongJohn]

Unreasonable behaviour only has to be unreasonable to you. If he picks his toenails in front of the telly and you find it unreasonable and that's good enough for a divorce