Escorts, drugs and lies ... please read and comment

[Lora88]

Hey ladies
I am new to this site have just registered so I can post as feeling pretty low and lonely about my situation
I don’t know where to start I’ll try keep as short as I can , basically me and my partner have been together since we was 19, I’m now 31.. we have 3 children , 10, 2 and 4 months old.
The relationship has had ups and downs like any other , he has always had a slightly addictive personality such as enjoying a gamble but never to the point he can’t pay the bills but will gamble surplus money etc ...
he’s also in a habit of taking cocaine when he goes on nights out with his group of friends which was quite rare so I turned a blind eye , he would sometimes get carried away and stay out all night which caused huge arguments but again other than these occasional blow outs , he was a good dad , a caring and loving partner.
anyway fast forward to last year I don’t know what changed but his behaviour just Started to escalate, he went out more and more , stayed out later and later , he was taking cocaine each time and I got so sick of it I asked him to leave , he cried and called himself a fool and said it would stop so we carried on , he then just seemed to adopt a really selfish steak by spending all his free time doing his own hobbies , golf , playing football. Going to football matches then pub etc and then last September I fell pregnant. Fast forward to lockdown things got even worse! He’s never been a drinker but he started drinking in the house during his furlough time , he would act like I didn’t exist just on the phone or Xbox talking to mates etc , anyway one night I had a horrible gut feeling when he didn’t come bed all night and was acting strange , turns out after looking in his phone he’d paid someone to drive to the house with cocaine and he did this numerous times throughout lock down I asked him to leave but again he’s cry and say sorry that he knows he needs to grow up and he loves his family more than ever , I let him stay because it was lockdown but I felt unhappy and isolated and he ruined my pregnancy, after I gave birth in June I could see an even bigger change , he’s always been a great dad to our 2 boys but by the time our little girl came along he’d become so withdrawn in himself he just didn’t seem the same with her or us , I had a c section and by the weekend he was getting drunk again! Anyway feelings started growing and growing and one night I got his phone , that’s when my world fell apart , I discovered messages to prostittues/ escorts ... asking them if they was available , enquiring about services asking for car meets etc , I looked at the times and one of them I was laid across from him on the sofa! He swore he was only doing it for a buzz and a thrill and the excitement was sending the texts etc , anyway I kicked him out and ended it but he spent weeks telling me it was nothing and he didn’t realise how bad it was and what he’d done untill I found out then he realised the hurt he’d caused , he was calling every day crying and begging promising to give his phone up , never leave house unless for work etc everything. But I couldn’t get rid of the naggy feeling there was more , so I logged into his phone bills where I discovered he’d been texting and ringing then since last August!!! Now I can tell by when they was sent he’d been on coke every single time , never done it sober but still it’s no excuse , he swears still to this date he never went through with it and was always calls and texts and as much as I’ve tried I can’t prove wether he did or not but it seems likely he probably did , he says it became a routine everytime he’d had the coke like a habit for an extra buzz , this makes no sense to me but as I say he’s got an addictive personality , I should mention I’ve found his email registered to escorts sites such as adult work and I found an escorts number in his phone. There are times he’s contacted them i can be 100% certain he didn’t go through with it as I remember the dates and no he was home but there are also dates I can’t be sure of. I honestly don’t even know if any of this makes sense but I don’t think I’ll be able to get back with him as I’m so disgusted with all his behaviour and if he’s been sleeping With escorts I’d never have him back! What eats me up is not knowing why he’s behaved like this and he doesn’t no either he can’t explain just swears he would never do it again and that he’s appalled with himself. I’m at home with the 3 kids by myself and to be honest I’m managing I just feel lost like someone has died , I don’t think it’s him I miss as I’m so angry and hurt but I miss what he represents , the family unit , despite what an absolute narcissist he’s turned into he used to be great and we have so many happy memories but I need to let go of the past and really need advice from anyone who has been in a similar situation with young children how I move on without him and learn to adapt to a completely fresh start without him and the family unit ?
Thanks so much for reading xx

[EL8888]

Time to get rid. He’s been totally out of order I’m so many ways. You can do better than this and so can your children. I couldn’t come back from this

[EL8888]

I’m = in

[Dollyrocket]

Try to think about your life in 1 year from now and make a list of all the things you’d like to have achieved or at least started to put into motion, give yourself things to work towards that are just for you / kids.

Keep reminding yourself that having him back just means wasting even more precious months and years with the same shit repeating itself over and over.

Enjoy your life away from him dragging you down with his feeble, additive ways.

(Also, make sure you get STD checked) 😳

[Closetbeanmuncher]

he can’t explain just swears he would never do it again and that he’s appalled with himself

Oh yeah that old chestnut....he's proved that to be a crock of shit time and time again.

Honestly I would save yourself years of heartache. He's completely self centered and doesnt care how many lives he ruins with his fucked up thrill-seeking antics.

Hes a liability to you and your children and I would seriously advise you to run for the hills before he ends up in serious drug debt, moving it up a gear (I.e crack) or giving you an STD that can't be cured.

I really do feel for you OP, but please don't be taken in by the crocodile tears again. You've given him enough chances, time to look after number one.

Letting go of the idea he is capable of change is your first step to freedom 🔓

[PeachesTheFlamingo]

What a disgusting excuse of a man! You have been letting him get away with this by taking him back in the past when he puts on the tears. Why are you letting him around your children when you know he uses cocaine. You can't even say for sure he hasn't been high around the kids because you know he has ordered cocaine to be delivered to the house. You say he had always been a good dad... a good dad doesn't get drunk around the kids days after you've had a c section.
His is an addict and he needs to go away and get help to sort himself out. You can no longer babysit him and facilitate him disrespecting you by allowing him back into your life time and time again. If I were in your shoes I would be running away from this loser as fast as I could. Unfit partner and dad. Get rid!

[PeachesTheFlamingo]

Oh and please go get an STI check!

[Iloveme30]

@Dollyrocket

Try to think about your life in 1 year from now and make a list of all the things you’d like to have achieved or at least started to put into motion, give yourself things to work towards that are just for you / kids.

Keep reminding yourself that having him back just means wasting even more precious months and years with the same shit repeating itself over and over.

Enjoy your life away from him dragging you down with his feeble, additive ways.

(Also, make sure you get STD checked) 😳

This
100 times over
Be strong there's no coming back from this

[forumdonkey]

You're better off without him and so are your DC's. He's having dealers bring coke into your home where you and your DC's are. Remember that when you're having a weak moment and he's pathetically crying.

Life alone can be tough but it's not going to be as hard as wondering if your husband is off his head or out sleeping with sex workers

[Closetbeanmuncher]

Love the one year goal plan from dolly something to focus on and work towards will really help you OP.

[Norwolf]

@Lora88 I personally would end this here and now as too many boundaries have been crossed. But not everyone is like this.

If it’s proof you are after......have you tried logging in to his adultwork profile? Maybe his phone has autosaved the password or if not, you could reset it and log in if you have access to his email account.

Don’t know if he uses an iphone or not but if he does, go to settings and passwords. If he has his adultwork profile autosaved on his phone it’ll be there and all the messages should be in his aw profile including any meets/bookings etc.

Stay strong for them little ones and sorry you are having to go through all this . My first ever LTB!!

[Anordinarymum]

Oh dear. You need to put an end to this. The man is no good

[nancybotwinbloom]

Get rid. Imagine if one of your kids had picked up a Coke bag.

He's a liability.

[lovehorror199ii]

He will do it again. Seems like a very difficult habit for him to break.

On top of that, you've been raising 3 children alone. You already know you can do by yourself- perhaps you have him around for company or financial reasons. It's not really worth it in the end. He's clearly a selfish man with low morals.

Start looking up how you can continue life without him.

[EarthSight]

Your husband might have a serious personality problem that might be with him for the rest of his life. He doesn't just have an addictive personality - he is seeking thrills and danger and that can lead down to very dark paths. He's already been in touch with prostitutes. What next?

He needs psychiatric help because this could get even worse. The gambling, his drug habits, everything. It's coke now but how long will it take for him to want something more extreme?

What you might need to consider is that he might get addicted to this whole cycle too - the one where he does something bad that he's not supposed to do (which gives him the thrills), then the falling out with you (where he goes through the emotional turmoil of break up followed by the redemptive high of being forgiven), and then trangressing again (when it's extra thrilling because of the possibility of break up), followed by possible self loathing and the whole cycle starts again.

Don't have sex with him again, and I wouldn't even allow my children to be in a car with someone like that driving. I know it's hard for you to comprehend, but he is not to be trusted. How would you feel like if one day you were visited by a police officer who told you that your husband had crashes his car whilst high and had killed your baby daughter????

It doesn't matter if he's genuinely appalled at himself or not at this point. He's a liability. If he really saw something wrong with his behaviour, he'd contact the GP straight away or look into therapy and rehab services, and put a bit of distance between you as he sorts himself out, but I think he probably won't want to do that as it will mean having to say goodbye to his life of thrills. If he hasn't put those wheels in motion yet, I think he expects or wants you to stick around for all that bullshit. And that's the ultimate insult and shows how little respect he has for you.