Relationship WWYD

[LatentPhase]

So me and DP both been together nearly 5yrs and have kids in their teens. Everyone gets on.

He has been living with me since lockdown, which was great. Conversations ensued (before and during lockdown) over whether not to make a move to move in officially, extend my house, sell his etc. There have been many conversations!

Sadly this can’t happen as he has a fairly flimsy relationship with his 19year old who has MH probs plus personality problems which go unchecked and none of the adults in her life had any boundaries with her.

He sort of aquiesces to whatever she wants. She expects to be taken out for meals (yetcomplains), trips on holidays etc. yet at home (lives with mum) spends her life mooching about online, watching movies, and on a hobby. Has no GCSEs and no inclination to do anything mildly uncomfortable. Yet if you asked her to pop to the shop for a pint of milk you’d have your head bitten off.

So to protect myself from this I’ve decided I won’t be combining houses or finances because his parenting is not even slightly similar to mine. He has tried to show he has more of a backbone over the years little has really changed really. She likes me but i couldn’t live with her.

So far so good. The trouble is, he remains at mine living with me, ‘by default’. But I’m not comfortable letting things drift. I feel he should either continue living at mine and we discuss agree such things as rent, arrangements for contact with his dc renting out his property etc...or, he moves back out. Currently he has a property and he doesn’t seems to be making any plans to move back in.

Do you think it’s fair to sit down and thrash it out? I think it’s the ‘drifting’ bit I am not okay with. I guess we have both avoided this conversation as it will mean the issues can’t just’rumble along’ any more and it’s time to get off the pot.

It’s time to don my big girl pants, isn’t it? WWYD?

[Hanab]

Get them pants in ASAP!

He is mooching off you! Either he pays his way or he moves .. That is issue 1 .. once that is taken care off then you move on to 1.1 which is his children..

Good luck!

[Hanab]

Pants on 🙈🙈🙈

[DeciduousPerennial]

Yep. You’re going to have to grab the bull by the horns and open the can of worms (to mix metaphors).

It may get uncomfortable or even unpleasant.

But there’s no way round it.

[IJustWantSomeBees]

Definitely talk it all out

[Anordinarymum]

Oh yes - and isn't it good that lockdown has actually been a positive thing for you in deciding what to do next ?

[AnneLovesGilbert]

Are you saying in 6 months he hasn’t offered to make a decent contribution to your household? Is he paying for anything? YABU to have left it this late.

[Aquamarine1029]

He needs to go back to his home. Pants on and just tell him.

[category12]

I hope he's been buying the food at least? If you've paying everything for 6 months, he's cheap as fuck, and I'd be pushing a move out.

[MontenotteandStLukes]

@category12

I hope he's been buying the food at least? If you've paying everything for 6 months, he's cheap as fuck, and I'd be pushing a move out.

Absolutely to this. Good for you for recognising the dangers of drift, and your incompatible parenting styles, but get this done ASAP. I can't believe you ever think with a billionth of your brain that you might be being unfair!

[justilou1]

Cocklodger

[Bananalanacake]

Waiting for someone to use the C word. Is he really not contributing towards bills and food.

[Bananalanacake]

Haha, someone has used the C word.