Struggling with depression due to dh past behaviour

[Chocopop89]

Hi, looking for help from those who have been through a very bad turbulent period with the OH, thought they'd got through it but now its coming back to haunt you, here goes, 4 years ago a few months before my dc was born I found a profile my H was using to talk to other women, no meet ups just sexting, the birth of my 2nd dc was extremely traumatic for me
So I felt I needed support but I couldn't let this thing go, 1 month after baby was born I confronted him, his behaviour was atrocious, he would speak to me about it, just got angry and tried to deflect, he turned the lights of and left me sitting in a dark room instead of talking to me!!!! for the next 10 months we were in a bad space, he was nasty, would make me feel less than human, he did it in a way that my mental health declined, I started to self doubt everything, had depression , extreme anxiety attacks, as I declined and struggled (I had another dc to take care of as well as baby) he then printed divorce papers and left his rings on top, he said he couldn't take my attitude anymore (I was giving back what he was giving me) he then packed and left, I didn't want him to leave I wanted to talk through about the hookup site, understand why he did it and move forward (I wanted to make my marriage work) the few weeks he was away I went to meet him, I lost my sh*t had a total melt down I punched walls swore and collapsed in a sobbing mess, he realised at some extent i had suffered and finally came home, we talked a little but I desperately needed normality to resume, after all the mental problems I had now been dealing with I just needed my family as one, I thought this would be all I needed to get on in life, 4 years down the road and I'm still feeling the extreme sadness and hurt, everything he did to make me feel worthless, I cannot think back to that 1 year and not cry, I can't even talk to anyone in real about it either, I get as far as we had a really bad time and I clamp up, now just to make it clear, we are now in an amazing place, we work hard, we appreciate each other and the time we have, sex is amazing, we love being a family, we are what people have told me a power couple, we are what they want to be (from the outside) I feel like this could be a form of ptsd that is now happening, how can I work through this and be able to move forward, I have everything I wanted now, he is now a totally different person too, I feel like this is going to ruin it xx

[Chocopop89]

Sorry forgot to say, we now speak about everything, we have been working on our relationship and have realised communication is so important, he knows I'm struggling with what ever this is, but does not know how to help as we are now in a different space x

[TheBlueStocking]

It sounds like you need to have a chat with your GP about therapy.

That's if you are certain you want to stay with him. It sounds odd that he's done a complete 180 and you are still feeling depressed all the time...

[Aquamarine1029]

Who could blame you for still struggling? If you both want to do whatever it takes to save your marriage, then couple's therapy and individual therapy for you is the only way forward. You simply can't continue to internalise all of this pain and emotion.

[Chocopop89]

Thank you both, I have been toying with the idea of counselling, there are a few other issues that I'm also dealing with on top of this (self sabotage/weight issues) no matter how hard I try I can't seem to heal myself, I have spent the past 2-3 years working hard on my relationship but not necessarily myself, I have got to get to grips with this ASAP x