My mother is a narcissist, there is no doubt about that. The loving mother that I wished for - she was exactly that to my siblings. She chose to emotionally abuse me and make me the black sheep. I spent my entire childhood desperate for her approval. I was such an anxious, withdrawn and troubled child.
She completely destroyed my self worth and I believed for such a long time that I was worthless. Her manipulation tactic for attention was always inventing some illness. She is always deathly ill with something unless it doesnt suit her.
Today I am a much stronger person but there are times like right now where I feel back to square one. I have been for counselling, therapy etc.
She has from the start of covid, had a permanent sore throat. She has been for a few covid tests, checked herself into hospital etc and all back negative. Yet this is now what she is using for attention. I'm so sick of it.
The last time I contacted her she was in hospital, and she let me know how all my siblings have rushed to her side because they are so worried about her. A dig at me of course. The rage I feel at this. She took away my childhood with this nonsense.
I am still trying to cope with a loss of my child at late pregnancy recently.
I just want this woman to leave me alone. I know that me not contacting her when she is so 'ill' is going to come back at me, there will be some backlash.
And then there are still my siblings, they are all a little gang against me.
I just dont know how to cope with all this. Will I be forgiven for not caring about her? Am I a heartless bad person? Feeling so broken down right now
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Am I a bad person for this?
10 replies
AnxMummy10 · 26/09/2020 13:49
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