Talk me down please - crush on colleague

[Glitterball2]

For background, I split with my husband at the beginning of this year (shouldn’t have married him in the first place) after enabling and forgiving red flag behaviours over six years and although I feel much better in myself, my self esteem is still at rock bottom.

I have a crush on one of my colleagues, I’ve always thought he was good looking, but I recently discovered he’s actually a lovely person too. We are very different, he is quiet and shy while I’m extraverted at work (mainly to hide/ temporarily forget the pain of my relationship). Some of my other colleagues have been trying to push me to talk to him but I always come away feeling like I’ve embarrassed myself or that I come across as desperate. I analyse our interactions and cringe afterwards. I genuinely don’t think he is interested and is just being polite to me. There are only a couple of years between us (I’m younger), but I’m very independent with a house and a young child and he lives at home with parents. He has no children but is apparently very close to his nieces and nephews (as my colleagues like to point out to me!).

I don’t think it could realistically happen, or that he would even want it to, but I find myself looking for him, thinking about him and accepting any excuse to interact with him. I need help to give my head a good wobble - I know I need to resolve my own issues and spend some time being my own person. I’m also wary that some of my colleagues might be using my crush as a form of entertainment!

Talk me down please before I make a fool of myself at work..It’s been a long time since I’ve felt like this and I don’t know how to get over it.

[Appleofmyeye05]

My advice, don’t do it. If it turns sour, you will be faced with awkwardness at work (where you have to go every day) and when others find out, which they will, can you be bothered with digs and everyone knowing your business?

My own personal experience!

[seensome]

Friend zone him but I wouldn't flirt, it's not worth the hassle if he doesn't feel the same and like you said some colleagues probably enjoy the entertainment of it.

[wannabebump]

Your colleagues are enjoying the entertainment to be honest. Be friends and don't mix work and pleasure!

[ThoroughlyForumed]

I had a crush on a colleague for a while. I gave in and asked him out and we've now been together nearly 4 years, have a mortgage and I'm pregnant with our child. Never been happier. Life's too short, if you like him just go for it. Jobs come and go but he could be the one.

[Limeandlemon]

Don’t ask him out op. If he was interested you would know. You can get to know him and friend him if you like and see where things go. But don’t just straight up ask him out.

It sounds like your colleagues are enjoying all this.
In the current climate getting another job isn’t as easy, so jobs don’t just come and go.
Proceed with caution but don’t go in guns blazing making it clear how you feel. Do you think you could deal with rejection if he declined and your work colleagues would all know.

[fatherfintanstack]

Sounds like your workmates are really enjoying this.

I'm sure they're not bad people, they might not know about the damage to your self esteem, but true friends wouldn't be pushing for someone recently out of a painful marriage to try and initiate a fling with a colleague, in front of the whole office with no indication that he is interested.

No harm in getting to know this guy gradually but try and do so with a view to becoming friends rather than anything more.

If he is shy and quiet, it will be pretty embarrassing for him knowing that people are gossiping about him so don't be reporting back to the others!

[fatherfintanstack]

That's not to say of course that nothing more could ever develop but it doesn't sound like a situation to just try and forge ahead with.