Hello x
Married 20 years, two young children. Not quite teens. Feeling unhappy for some years. Raised it with DH various times and very little changes. On surface all ok. No abuse arguments etc. Am the stronger one who leads and organises everything. I pay 50% everything, work full time yet feel I do 100% of everything else.
Lack of support in this workload raised many times over years with him. Sometimes a week or so of change, then reverts.
No passion, I stop initiating sex (was mainly always the one to do that) and he gave up...i have been faithful to him without sex or kissing or cuddling for last 8 years. Faithful while married life. But prior to 8 years ago we had some sex. Sex never been off the chart. Been ok. Mainly disappointing for me.
Have now said I want to separate as I really feel life too short. DH tells me he cannot be without me, I am his world etc. He is devastated. Has started doing loads at home, in house etc to show willing. I am appreciative but I know this does not mean it is going to be what I feel I need. Someone who makes me lust after them and who does for me. We did have sex, but it was never all consuming in the early days. Someone who stands up for me. Someone who sees 'us' as a team. Someone who makes me laugh. I have not laughed in so long. Life no longer funny for me and I feel like all I do is take care of everyone else. I have no joy left. Don't feel needed, just that I am useful. DH spends hours on mobile. Sat doing nothing while I run around like a loon getting everything done. Have booked counselling.
Those limited friends who know now think oh poor him, 20 years worth working on. I should give it longer.
I do not want to hurt him. Is a good friend. But that is all we are. Friends. Flatmates.
I am so confused. Feel so alone and feel like no matter what I do, I am going to be the bad guy for upsetting him, even though he admits knowing I have been unhappy for years, yet has done nothing about it.
Just wanted a place to vent. Sorry. Feeling very alone and desperately sad. X
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17 replies
IansGal2512 · 15/09/2020 19:39
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