I apologise in advance for the long post, I just need somewhere I can organise my thoughts and hope that someone has some words of support.
I have been with my husband for 12 years, married for 6 with 2 children. We have a mortgage, and what I thought was a normal happy family life.
Since covid my husband's hours were cut at work, he was unable to do his regular activities and was obviously miserable much like the rest of us. However as things eased and he started to socialise he started mentioning a new "friend". His behaviour changed and in my gut I knew that something wasn't right. Cue my birthday where he put in zero effort and I knew that something was seriously wrong. I asked him if he loved me and he said no, he didn't love me the way he should, that he was bored with our life and he didn't want to be with me anymore. I asked him if anyone else was involved and he said no. Now I've always been very open that if you are unhappy and there is nothing that can be done to fix it you are free to leave. However much it hurt me I wouldn't force someone to live a life of unhappiness. It was my son's birthday 4 days after mine so I wanted us to be adult and have some open conversations over the next few days. He maintained no one else was involved, said that I bored him and didn't give him any attention, we weren't the same people anymore and he just didn't feel as he should about me. So the day after my son's birthday he left and went to his mum's, he told the children he wasn't happy and didn't love me the way that he should.
Over the next week we still saw eachother with the children and he started to say things like he'd always love me as I'm the mother to his children, and it was giving me false hope that we could sort things out.
So I managed rightly or wrongly to get on to his Facebook messages and everything I suspected was confirmed.
He had been meeting up with his "friend" in secret even before he left, explicit messages, talking about their relationship. Saying horrible things about me. Saying things like "walking with you hand in hand in the sea was the most alive I've ever felt". But also clearly apparent was that they hadn't slept together yet, not that he wasn't literally begging for it. Now he was making it out like everything I was suspecting was in my head, and seeing it all in black and white finally gave me some clarity.
Anyway cue me confronting them both, her being totally vile to me and him denying that what was going on with her was nothing to with the way he felt about our marriage (I think he honestly believes that).
Now her damage is done and she's had her fun with a married man she no longer interested, he's realised she's a weirdo and apparently they are no more.
So at this point I wasn't sure what I wanted, do I want him to beg to come home? So I can tell him no, do I want to work on things for our children?
What I didn't want was for him to take off his wedding ring, change his marital status on facebook, join tinder and be dating already! This is all within a month of first telling me he didn't love me anymore.
I want to hate him, he has totally destroyed me but why do I still care for him so much?
I am a hardworking mother, I have a good job and can afford our life without his contribution. He is living out of a bag at his mum's, with a part time job and no money. He can't afford to live alone. I have to maintain a relationship with him, of course for the children but also I need him to do his share of childcare so I can continue to work. But even then when he's with the children, he's in the house that I'm paying for, feeding them the food I've bought. He is completely taking advantage but how do I stop it when I need him so I can work?
I'm at a total loss of how to move forward from here. How can someone who you've given your everything to be so cruel?
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Relationships
Blindsided by husband leaving.
5 replies
Jazzy87 · 13/09/2020 09:33
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