Subtly encourage to ask me out

[Lolailo]

Hi wise mumsnetters. I hope that everyone had a good weekend. Mine was (maybe) exciting for once.

Yesterday, I had an appointment with Mr D to show him a room I am trying to sublet. There was a lot of eye contact as we were both wearing masks, so maybe that certain mystery made him attractive from the get go. Once the tour finished, we stayed talking in the sidewalk for at least half an hour. At one point we took a couple of steps back and removed our masks. There certainly was chemistry for me.

Today, I decided to touch base and I was intentionally flirty without been obvious and he replied in the same way. He is not going to rent my room as he found something cheaper so that's good and bad news, as now I can't just do it organically. The exchange was like this:

Me: I was thinking of you. I hoped you liked the place. Please let me know if you have any questions or would like a second tour.

Mr: I liked the place and I liked you but I decided to go for the cheaper place because... Thanks for your offer and your time, the place is great and I am sure you will find someone easily.

Am I reading too much between the lines?

[MagMell]

His message sounds to me quite final.

[Onestepup]

Why don't you ask him out?

[Lolailo]

@MagMell final how? I understand he is not renting my place. I am asking about having a date. He is not "discarding" me by discarding the room, is he?

@Onestepup I would like to, but "I liked you" can be interpreted in a "you are a nice person to rent from" way and I don't want to ask for a date just out of nowhere if he meant it that way, so trying to be a bit more subtle.

I mean, I always have the middle ground of asking: was the "I like you" supposed to be flirty? But that puts him in the spot uncomfortably as it can be read I am offended... So how to do it?

[PercyKirke]

Stop playing games and just text him and suggest coffee. TBH however, I think it was just the room he was interested in and nothing else. Sorry.

[popsydoodle4444]

Try "That's great;sounds like the other place will be perfect for you;I'm kind of glad I'm not going to be your landlady because I'd really like to get together with you for a coffee;are you up for that?"

If he says no or ignores you then you never have to see him again

[Onestepup]

What's the worst that can happen? If he says no, you never have to see him again anyway. You could text and say 'Hope you don't mind me asking but you seemed really nice... would you like to meet up for lunch next Tuesday?'

[Lolailo]

@PercyKirke very likely it was only the room. But we chatted for a long time (not about housing), there was chemistry for me and he wrote he liked me. He could have stuck to "I liked the room" but decided to include that bit. So I am not clear about what he meant.

[Lolailo]

@popsydoodle4444 @onestepup thank you! I like both of your suggestions. Definitely no problem been rejected as I won't see him again. But I did not want to come up as a creep if it is not mutual. Both of your messages sound nice.

[MagMell]

Final because ‘thanks for your offer and your time’ is a standard closing down phrase used when you’re choosing not to buy/rent something, not anything encouraging further conversation.

[MagMell]

But ask him out, obviously, if you liked him. Nothing ventured etc.

[Aquamarine1029]

How old is he? How old are you? I would be wondering why a grown man is only able to rent the cheapest room available, honestly.

[MagMell]

@Aquamarine1029

How old is he? How old are you? I would be wondering why a grown man is only able to rent the cheapest room available, honestly.

Fair point.

[Lolailo]

@Aquamarine1029 I am renting in a very posh/expensive area. He is 31 but he is just settling after obtaining his residency in February and enrolled in university to convalidate his degree. He has two jobs but part of the message I omitted explained that getting the other room for half the price will allow him to enroll in more courses. I am 37 and also an immigrant so I understand his process. He seemed like a very sensible man.

[Lolailo]

I have tried online dating for about three years - all first dates except for two that I dated three months each. One a sex pest, the other a jealous gaslighter. So I am open to any way of meeting people.

By the way, Mr D introduced he was single in the conversation but I didn't, so he wouldn't know

[MandalaYogaTapestry]

I know I am asking to be told off here but you are quite a bit older than him. Unless you are objectively gorgeous I wouldn't ask him out on this occasion.

[Lolailo]

Geeeez I married a guy who is now 45. Nobody blinked an eye. The age gap is smaller with this one, but I see, this time is younger and I am the woman? I am going for it @MandalaYogaTapestry. I am as ugly as they are made but I am a great person and a very good catch. I am going for it. It may end up in a coffee or hearing crickets. I will be fine either way.

[NervousInYorkshire]

If I were looking at renting a room and was single, I'd mention it hoping it would be a plus point. But only in terms of the landlord not having to deal with the faff of a partner staying over etc. Not as a come on.

[Onthemaintrunkline]

I’d just remember our conversation warmly, smile about the attraction and leave it at that. If he wants to get in touch he knows where you live.

[HarrisonFived]

 In a way it's good that you reacted so strongly to one sceptical comment, @Lolailo - it shows that deep down you want to go for it. Best of luck!

[Lolailo]

Well, I sent a message saying the other place sounds perfect, I thought he was nice and would like to know more about him. Then invited him for a coffee or drink next Thursday. He answered that coffee sounds good and if I know a good place we should go.

So coffee it is! Glad I tried and hopefully will share another good chat

[OpenFire]

I have no idea about any deeper meaning to the exchange but ask him out if you want. If he isn't interested, you've lost nothing.

Its ridiculous to suggest that you shouldn't because you're 6 years older.

Men ask women out with far less encouragement and, as long as they are decent about it, no one cares. It's always flattering to know someone enjoyed your company enough to want to spend more time in it and that is literally all you're saying.

[OpenFire]

Ah x posted.

Good for you. Well.done on being brave!

[OpenFire]

If nothing comes of it, you'll have had a nice time and enjoyed coffee and a good conversation. At best, you might have a new friend or something more.

[Onestepup]

That's great, hope you have a lovely time on Thursday

[Lolailo]

I just came back to update! We grabbed a coffee and went for a walk by the lake. We chatted and chatted for three and a half hours and then went home because it was late and cold.

Positives:

• we couldn't stop talking
• he said "we can do XYZ together (next time)"
• he is divorced so age difference feels less important (mature experiences)

Negative (?):

• he said if his friend met me he (the friend) would marry me. It was in the context of his friend "been crazy" about latinas

All in all I had a good time, interesting conversation. It was what I needed after a three hours job interview. So whatever happens next, is not relevant: good for me for writing that text!