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Am I right to feel annoyed about this?

(7 Posts)
YellowWave Sat 05-Sep-20 09:53:49

I met my boyfriend, now fiance, 3 and half years ago. I have some brothers living abroad and when they were home on holidays, they were very good to both me and him. They did their best to welcome him and accept him.

The family at home is a different story. My mother and brother, they only ever said hello to him in passing. Not once did they try to get to know him or welcome him into the family or accept him as my partner. I suppose we are not the sit down to a Sunday roast people so that I don't expect that from my mother. My brother was dating a woman around about the same time as I started dating my man, and that would have been good opportunity for some sort of a double date thing or all four of us to meet up. He was too consumed in his girlfriend at the time to think of anyone beyond himself. All these years later, not once has he tried to accept my partner. He vaguely mentioned something a few months ago about meeting up with him maybe for some drinks in the local when all the covid thing is over but that was probably all talk.

Three and half years of a relationship and not once has my family tried to accept him. Its not like he's a drunk or smokes weed like my brother. I suppose if he was a down and out dirty bum he would be more accepted into the family that I have living at home.

OP’s posts: |
SuzieCarmichael Sat 05-Sep-20 09:55:45

Double dating with a sibling?! I can’t imagine anything worse! How embarrassing would that be!

What kind of ‘accepting’ exactly do you want from them?! It sounds as though you want them to roll out a red carpet or something. A bit much really.

LuluBellaBlue Sat 05-Sep-20 09:59:34

What have you done to try to help facilitate this?
I think the expectation is with you and him to make the effort, so invite them round for dinner, suggest days / events out....
it’s not up to your family to do the leg work - and if they’re not interested that’s up to them

YellowWave Sat 05-Sep-20 10:31:16

I used to invite the family out for meet ups like for tea/coffee/breakfast/lunch.

My mother can be so anti social, I gave up. I'm more angry at my brother because he never tried to get to know my partner. Even spend more than 5 minutes in his company. He and the girlfriend parted and he's now single for over a year. He doesn't work and there's no demands on his time, and he can't spare half an hour. He also ignored my partners friend request on Facebook.

OP’s posts: |
TorkTorkBam Sat 05-Sep-20 10:36:47

I would not want to make my boyfriend hang out with people like that.

You can't make your parents and siblings be the people you wish they were.

You will be happier if you can accept how they are instead of raging against what they are not. Whatever validation or reassurance you are seeking from your family will not come. Look elsewhere.

LuluBellaBlue Sat 05-Sep-20 12:31:13

He and the girlfriend parted and he's now single for over a year. He doesn't work and there's no demands on his time, and he can't spare half an hour. He also ignored my partners friend request on Facebook.

Wow have you ever stopped to consider how they doing? How they’re feeling?

Maybe your brother is depressed?? Not up for company, especially with someone he doesn’t know. Maybe you need to think more about how your mum and brother are really feeling and less about what you think should happen.

Chamomileteaplease Sat 05-Sep-20 12:31:35

I agree with PP. Your mother and brother are not bothered about getting to know your partner and you cannot make them want to spend with him.

You even said that your mother is anti-social.

Spend time with people who want to be with you and be thankful for your other lovely brothers smile.

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