X is being aggressive and unreliable

[nessaghb]

Hi ,

So I don't really know where to start but here goes 😢

So I broke up with my x over a year ago . Due to emotional abuse and other factors, we have a beautiful baby boy who is 1.5 years old ...

Contact between him and our son is so complicated, I can't tell you how many times my x hasn't turned up to see him and the other half of the time he's always been extremely late.
After nearly a year he finally agreed to set days because I told him he needs routine and threatened him with court . Eventually we agreed to Tuesday and Thursday (but he still won't give me a time ) so he rings me and hour before. At least that is something !

I don't trust him at all , i told him that our son had a very sore bum and not to keep giving him junk food , and he came back with crisps and chucked his water to give him juice instead ! He has had diarrhoea all evening now and unfortunately was in a lot of pain!
He can never take no for an answer and it's always his way and no one else's way no matter how nicely you put it.

Today he also bought MacDonald for him too knowing full well he was having dinner in 40 minutes .. just to show me he's in charge and does what ever he wants ..! I don't mind him taking him for dinner but he does these things on purpose , my son didn't touch his dinner at all

When returning he got really aggressive in his voice and said he's coming on Sunday ,
(He wanted more days so I gave him every other Sunday ) even though he always comes late or doesn't turn up.

I told him this was my weekend and it was his problem he choose not to come last week at all ( one I'm not sure why ) (and the Sunday because he said he was hungover and couldn't come ) so my plans had to get cancelled last minute again . He then said he wanted to come another day( not his day) but saw a photo of our son and I together lying on the sofa .." and all we did was stay in our pyjamas all day" We were both full of a cold .. and I deserve a pyjama day as I have him 24/7 and don't have to explain anything to him ( just another rude comment unfortunately !!


I don't trust him at all , he's very sneaky !
He did cocaine when we were together , gambled a lot too and has a sleep problem ..where he doesn't wake up .. he hasn't had him overnight yet but I'm worried he will take him one night ... what if our son wakes up and his dad is fast asleep from alcohol ..

I'm getting legal advice tomorrow but has anyone been through this ? I want to go to court and get set days as I can't take getting anxiety and talking to him on the phone and him trying to worm his way in



Sorry if it's to long !! I tried to cut it down as much as possible 😢


Vanessa xx

[FlissMumsnet]

Hi nessaghb,

We're really sorry to hear what a tough time you're having right now.

We hope you don't mind but we've moved your thread across to Relationships where we think you're likely to get more support from our users.

We hope things look a lot brighter for you soon

[category12]

Regarding what he said about the photo:
I'd block him and up the security on your social media accounts, limit what mutual friends/family members of his can see also. It's none of his business. Keep your communication with him to the practicalities of access etc, don't give him a window into your world.

I'm so sorry he's behaving this way.

I don't think you can control what he feeds your son. On days he has him, I wouldn't tell him your plans for dinner or whatnot, just keep it flexible, so he can't deliberately fuck it up.

To avoid disappointment for your son, I'd probably be very low-key about visits, so he's not too awrae of when he doesn't turn up. For anything important for yourself, I'd have back-up childcare if possible.

[nessaghb]

@category12

Regarding what he said about the photo:
I'd block him and up the security on your social media accounts, limit what mutual friends/family members of his can see also. It's none of his business. Keep your communication with him to the practicalities of access etc, don't give him a window into your world.

I'm so sorry he's behaving this way.

I don't think you can control what he feeds your son. On days he has him, I wouldn't tell him your plans for dinner or whatnot, just keep it flexible, so he can't deliberately fuck it up.

To avoid disappointment for your son, I'd probably be very low-key about visits, so he's not too awrae of when he doesn't turn up. For anything important for yourself, I'd have back-up childcare if possible.

Thank you for replying 🥰
Yeah I'm just not going to mention dinner at all anymore, and with him giving him junk , I know I can't stop it ,, I just thought he would have a brain if our son had a really sore bum.

As soon as he said about social media I restricted him straight away ! Ideally I wanted to block him however when he had our son I want to see where he goes as he uploads photos occasionally.
I spoke to a solicitor yesterday and she said everything I wanted to hear ! He can't demand ! He can't have him overnight due to his drug use , and on the days he's going to have him it's set times now ... he's messed himself up , because I always tried to help him In any way I could x so in a few weeks, I'll be meeting her and an email will be sent out to him xx

[nessaghb]

@FlissMumsnet

Hi nessaghb,

We're really sorry to hear what a tough time you're having right now.

We hope you don't mind but we've moved your thread across to Relationships where we think you're likely to get more support from our users.

We hope things look a lot brighter for you soon

Thank you 😊

[category12]

That's good news.