Hi all,
I’ve never posted on here, though I have seen many posts that are so helpfu. I’m really stuck on an issue I have had for so many years.
My mother and I have always had a tricky relationship. There’s only about 20 odd years between us, so often it’s felt like I have a friend/older sister. She didn’t have the easiest childhood and I’m aware of this and take this into consideration whenever I have an issue with her.
I have 2 wonderful children - a tween and a tweenie. I am married to my husband nearly 14 years and we are great parents.
However, I’m actually fed up of the relationship with my mum, the way she undermines me, she uses a rude tone when speaking about me in front of my children. If I even dare suggest that she should be careful how she speaks of me and can she be positive and not use that undermining fed up tone / we should speak highly of one another, well, she absolutely goes mad - she says I have no respect for her.
So basically I can’t speak to her because everything will be blown totally out of proportion.
I’m in my 40s but I feel like a big kid who is still answering to Mummy.
The worst thing is - my children are seeing her behaviour and actually they feel it’s not right. They wonder why their Nan isn’t nice their Mum.
This isn’t just it. She’s been doing this all my life. Undermining me, telling me how to do things and how not to, cornering me, making me have guilt trips.
I can’t even request that she be careful with her words and tone of voice in front of my children, she blows the roof off. Telling me I am wrong.
She hasn’t been a motherly figure. No hugs. Rarely kind words.
I am proud that my children are having a good relationship with her because that’s what I want. But I do want her to stop undermining me and speaking lowly of me when I am not there (or ever) because the children see her behaviour etc and will copy. Or worse, they hate someone speaking rudely of their Mum.
There is so much more to the story, so many experiences which have really tainted my view of her. Really made me see what she is like.
Any advice?
Thank you
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Relationships
Help - issues with my mum.
20 replies
CharlieJSims · 24/08/2020 01:12
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