Not grateful for what I have

[Mikethenight2good]

I am miserable. I don't appreciate what I have in my life. I dream of packing up and disappearing.
The daily druggery is becoming a grind.

I am the breadwinner and my job doesn't make me happy. But at least I have a job and secure employment.

I longed for kids but right now they are driving me up the wall. They can't seem to behave & are taking some of the fun out of stuff.

I have lost respect for my husband. On the whole he is a good man. He has let himself go and would be really shite but I called him out on it a few years ago and he does make alot more effort. But I am not sure if I have passed the point. We don't sleep in the same bed. He is no comfort for emotional support. If we didn't have kids I wouldn't hesitate to leave and be on my own.

He organised a party for me last week (birthday). Honestly it was crap. And I put my brave face on but I didn't enjoy it. I made sure I said thank you but he asked did you enjoy it & I kind of shrugged my shoulders. I know I hurt his feelings but really I can't be arsed to fake it anymore.

My immediate family are meh. My dad is abroad and is zero help.

On paper I have it all. But deep down I don't enjoy it. I don't deserve it. I feel a bit self indulgent as we are safe and secure.

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Oh dear. Do you always feel like this and have you done for a long time?

Its perfectly normal to feel like this from time to time but if it's becoming chronic it does sound like depression.

Is there anything in your life that brings you joy? And if not, what type of things can you think of that would?

[Wavescrashingonthebeach]

Sorry i really hope that didnt come across as patronising x

[UserNameChange20]

I agree with the questions from the PP, could this be depression do you think? I could have written your last sentence myself.

[Mikethenight2good]

Possibly. I have suffered before but that was more anxiety related.
I really enjoy socializing with friends and people outside of our immediate home.
I sometimes wonder if I just need a break from the people I live with. We have all been home together since march.

[firecracker69]

Anhedonia that's associated with depression can squeeze the joy out if everything.