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DH uses silent treatment all the time

(7 Posts)
2020CanDoOne Tue 18-Aug-20 13:57:09

My DH has always been one to sulk and it drives me mad. If I do something that annoys him (for instance today I swore in front of the children) he stops talking to me for hours and treats me like a naughty child. I used to just leave him to it before kids, but now we have lo's I hate them seeing this behaviour. What do I do, as he won't discuss anything and shuts me down. I don't think we ever really have had a proper discussion about our relationship as he "hates to talk about feelings".

OP’s posts: |
Holothane Tue 18-Aug-20 13:59:21

Get ducks in a row this won’t improve imagine what signals this is sending to the children 🤗🤗💐💐💐💐

Janaih Tue 18-Aug-20 14:00:08

This is abusive/controlling behaviour so youd be well advised to LTB. Try issuing an ultimatum first though, he might be able to redeem himself with support.

Dollyrocket Tue 18-Aug-20 14:02:47

That would be an ultimatum for me. He either learns to discuss things like an adult or signs the divorce papers.

MistressMounthaven Tue 18-Aug-20 14:04:37

Don't issue an ultimatum without making proper investigation into what you would live off, where you would live, what income you would have etc if you separated.
Otherwise it sounds like threats and whinging to make him change.
You need him to know this is not an empty threat or all you will get is a few weeks of 'niceness' then back to normal. You could agree to marriage counselling if he decides he wants to improve but he has to want to do it.

GoGoGadgetShoes Tue 18-Aug-20 14:05:10

My STBXH did this from the get go.

At first I just thought it was his personality (it was, I suppose, but that doesn't make it acceptable) but after I discovered signs of other EA behaviour I realised it was just the tip of the iceberg.

When it happened I would get very anxious and capitulate just to stop the sulking and silences, because I couldn't stand it. Very effective way of him getting what he wanted. It's extremely manipulative behaviour, even thought you might not realise it.

After reading more about EA and manipulation, I discovered a whole litany of other nasty traits. I'm much happier now we have separated!

Is this his only unpleasant trait, or are there other things that might make you think he's being abusive or controlling?

Janaih Tue 18-Aug-20 14:19:06

My dad could do this for days so I learnt to ignore it and pretend I wasnt bothered.
Now dh had a tendency for mild sulking, I calmly told him its abusive and I wont be putting up with it as an adult. Thankfully he has learned to discuss issues properly.

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