My problem is my fraught and difficult to navigate relationship with my sister - who is a strong, direct and can be very hurtful. My sister is five years younger than me, we are all in our
fifties and our parents died relatively very young so tough times but it threw us apart not together. Sadly I wasn't aroundat all for my sister in around then I was away at school and then
very swiftly ill in hostpital, It's a perid of time my younger brother and sister (who do get on very well) and myself found very hard a traumtic for a few years at a time we needed to start out in life. I can't help wonder if all those years ago when I was not there for them as the eldest (I was on a m/h ward) has coloured our relationships as adults relationships- which are about as distant as you can get.
For example, we don't meet up as all three siblings as families - my brother and sister do and have done many many times. But not all three of us except for one year out of 30 . We don't speak then on Christmas day to wish each other Christmas greetings, or do presents, or New year day calls,/parties (or that might be being left out of the loop) and brthdays get a cursary text (if I'm lucky). We email each other maybe once a year if the need arises.
My brother and sister are very successful people and far removed from their aspiring working class roots - skii-ing holidays, cruises, private schools for the children. But I don't get a single phone call to see how I am doing - my partner has retired and I lost my job due to redunancy earlier this year. So we live life in a different level.
I was schocked to get a call from my sister at the beginning of lockdown - she hasn't called me for five years. I had thought this might be the start of a new leaf. Now I'm begining to feel it was the final farewell call before going NC
On the odd rare ocasion we meet at family functions she does go all grey rock on me. One word answers or moves to the other side of the room.And there are no invites to stay in her large town house for family gatherings. I have no idea what I have done to deserve being cut off -like this and find it really hurtful and personal. My sister has a great career, marraige to a lovely partner, a huge circle of friends and is materially successful. I have a serious disability which limits my earnings potential and moved around the country for work a lot. - should I keep reaching out to her because I would like so much for us to be friends or should I just bury the hurt and anger at being ignored and accept that it appears to be she has cut me off. No answers to my friendly messages anymore - I sent her a upbeat hello how's it going on the phone a couple of weeks ago no response, and a whatsapp message about birthday money for their youngest, no reply.
Should I call her up and be direct and ask her what her problem is? Or will that feed into the situation? Or shall I just write off the (large) birthday cheque I sent my nephew as a final goodbye and turn it into a mutal no contact arrangment?
I'm so tired of it - I only have two siblings as family, it would be so lovely to have friendly regular "normal" relationships -
Sorry if this is a moan, I can't sleep for the worry
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sister appears to have gone no contact with me- any ideas or advice appreciated
16 replies
Daffodill1 · 06/08/2020 04:31
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