Hi everyone.
Sure this has been posted loads on here, and it’s also my first post, but I’m a bit lost, just need to get it all out and don’t really know where else to go.
I have just found out that my husband (Married for 14 years, together for 17) has cheated on me. At first He told me that it was just messages but after messaging the woman to ask her what has been going on, she said they had met up several times over the last six months or so. I confronted him and he said he had slept with her once and doesn’t know why he did it. They have continued to message on and off since then, however he is adamant they have not slept together again. Although she has told me otherwise. The messages I saw was asking him when he is going to come and see her again, although he replied saying he was too busy.
Ordinarily, it would be fairly simple - he’s cheated and I would leave him.
However, I have suffered with sexual problems pretty much as long as we have been together. Vaginismus which resulted in a low sex drive which has meant our sex life has gone from occasional at best to non existent. We’ve not had sex for years and I know I’ve been pushing him away whenever he shows any kind of really affection as a result, because I’m so scared that any touching or affection would then lead to sex.
I feel like I am as much to blame for this as I understand, to some extent, why he did it. Outside of sex, I love our life together and I don’t want to lose him or the family we have built together (we have a son). I feel that as I can sort of understand how this has happened, and my part in it, I owe it to him to work on it to see if we can make it work. But it’s so raw right now that I can’t see how I can forget about it. All I can see in my head is him with her and knowing that he has touched someone else, and someone else has touched him, is killing me. Stupid I know as I’ve not exactly been forthcoming with that so I feel like I’m getting possessive over something I don’t deserve to!
I guess what I’m hoping you can help me with is whether it’s possible to get past cheating in a marriage. I know we need to work at things, but will I ever be able to get the image of them together out of my head if I was to stay and try to make things work?
Apologies for the rambling post - like I said I think I more just need to get it out and I really don’t want to talk to my family and friends, who all love him, if there’s a chance we can make this work.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Husband has cheated...Help
Mumlife30 · 05/08/2020 01:42
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