About five years ago I found that my dh had been messaging prostitutes. I don't believe he met with them. At the same time I was having an emotional affair with someone else too. I remember at the time I was trying to talk to dh about why he was so distant but he would never talk. In the end we went to counselling and I'm still angry about some of the things that were said. The blame all seemed to be on me. Putting on weight (one stone!), not being outgoing as I used to be, all that stuff. I was even compared to his ex girlfriends which still makes me angry. (How they watched what they ate mainly) I put a lot of effort into my appearance so that really pissed me off.
He accepted that he was never affectionate and excluded me from things like his jollys abroad with his sister.
I know his family don't like me much and talk about be behind my back, even now. I suspect they've heard a lot of one sided stories about me from him, over the years.
After counselling we went through a good phase. Now it's just back to how it was but hopefully without the affairs.
He's distant, we never have sex, he doesn't help at home despite not having a proper job (that's a whole other story!) he's ALWAYS picking up on really petty things and remembering them in order to bring them up at a later date to make me look bad. He loves blaming me and won't accept responsibility for anything. If I bring up a problem it's always reversed so that I'm the one that has the problem or has caused it. Maybe I am, I don't know but it's really wearing me down.
When I questioned him about whether during our bad times he'd met up with a certain woman, he hit the roof and said absolutely not. A couple of months later he then accuses me of having an affair again. This is during lockdown where I've been absolutely nowhere. It was either to get back at me for accusing him , or he genuinely thought I was talking to someone online, or he's up to something and is doing a classic reversal.
He's lazy and sees me working and doing house work, usually exhausted and yet when i ask him to do something he says the dc's should do it.
I hate all the pettiness, especially around money. Things like 'I cooked the dinner so I'm not going to put the rubbish out' (He rarely cooks but that sort of thing) Or I'm selfish for going shopping without asking him what he wants, etc. The feeling that something's not right, the awkwardness around his family.. I actually feel happier when he's not around and I can relax. But I hate the thought of leaving this house and the upheaval of separating. I don't know how I'd cope financially and be able to get to work as I don't drive.
Surely he's not happy either. I don't know how to approach this. We're currently not talking because he's annoyed I asked him to pay for something the other day to save us both waiting to pay. It was £3. But I then asked him to transfer some money towards the shopping because he put beer in there which was £4. He said that was mean of me. Apparently alcohol costs should be included in the shopping. (He's the only one who drinks)
He pays all the bills and I pay for food and clothing. Despite not working much, he transfers the universal credit to his account. I pay with my wages.
This is crazy!
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It's a long one sorry. DH problems.
11 replies
Realitea · 28/07/2020 17:15
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