Advanced search

If you have disengaged permanently from a partner/husband

(2 Posts)
VioletGrace Mon 27-Jul-20 17:06:02

What was your catalyst or wake up call to do so? Did you end up separating or did things get better?

Thanks in advance

OP’s posts: |
SeahorseSaddle Mon 27-Jul-20 18:00:01

For a long time I felt there was something wrong with my relationship. I twisted myself into impressively complex knots trying to understand why I was feeling the way I did, wondering if I were the problem, not knowing the words to describe how my "D"H was behaving and why it was effecting me so much.

I would frequently read threads here to try and see if anyone was going through the same/similar and had more insight.
Unsurprisingly my H was not a fan of the mumsnet brigade and often made out like any idea that came into my head must have been direct beamed there by the women on here to make his life more complicated.

It was a thread here on passive aggressive partners that really opened my eyes.
I did further reading on PA behaviours and the relationship with a co-dependant partner (co-dep = me) and it was a serious lightbulb moment. I realised that I was in an abusive relationship, and I needed to get out.

It changed everything, we separated and I told him unless he sought professional help as I was doing we would be getting divorced in short order.
He didn't even try, not that I really expected him to by that point but I still had a flicker of hope that maybe he loved me enough to try somewhere deep down inside. He did not.

It became clear with hindsight (marvellous thing that it is) that he did not like me, possibly hadn't for the majority of our relationship. He showed nothing but contempt for me and my feelings and joy at sabotaging me/us in any way he could.

Things did get better but only because I left and refused to put up with his crappy/abusive behaviour once I recognised it for what it was.
I have lots of work to do to repair myself in the aftermath and I have a lot of work to do to overcome my co-dependency because I will never be in a healthy relationship unless I can do that.

Are you ok OP? It often helps to use us lot as a sounding board if you need it.

Join the discussion

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet

Already have a Mumsnet account? Log in