I am unhappy in my 20+ years marriage but my husband thinks it is perfect. He constantly tells me he loves me and I am beautiful but then 5 mins later will snap over the most ridiculous thing leaving us all treading on egg shells. I realise how I have made my own bed by allowing him to lead the life he wants and not ask for what I want. He is happy with not doing much (including not working) not wanting friends round, having no ambition. He doesn't like people really, would like to live somewhere remote when kids leave home. When we met I thought he was an exciting peace loving hippy type! Expects us all to be quiet if he want us to but never shows the same respect to me and the kids - thinks we should all be grateful when he really doesn't pull his weight in the relationship and controls us all but not in a direct enough way to call it out without me "overreacting". I'm 45 and don't want to spend my life like this. When I think about the things I want to do he is not in the picture. Our relationship is turning into the one his parents (no longer alive) had where his Dad was grumpy, had no friends and is mum was downtrodden. My 16 year old DD told me our marriage looks perfect from outside but people don't know what it is like at home and it isn't normal. How can I start having a discussion around this without it seeming like it has come from nowhere or that I am just a petty moaning nag. I've just run out of emotional energy and feel totally disconnected from the marriage.
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