Hi all,
So this isn't a bash MIL thread, it's a 'how do I make this better' thread for the sake of DS?
My fiancé is the youngest child and his mum is an older mum. We've always got on, not closely but he is much closer to his dad so I am too. They are separated but still live together very awkwardly. It makes visiting them difficult as she stays in a bedroom and doesn't leave unless she needs to make food.
Since our DS was born (first), his mum has done many things which have alienated me and almost 'damaged' how I feel about her. Don't get me wrong, they weren't outrageously serious in terms of she should never see him again, but many of them were done when my hormones were hitting soon after birth so that, coupled with the lockdown we had, has stuck with me and made me feel very protective of DS. She's continued doing things, not in a caring way, but a selfish and competitive manner which just alienates me more. My fiancé has agreed with me about her actions and when she has been asked on occasion not to, it's resulted in strops or her storming off. It hasn't always been directly about DS either, my fiancé lost his grandfather to Covid which devastated him and not once did she acknowledge it, even with just a 'sorry' because it was his dad's father. Different strokes and all that but I feel upset that she thought that was okay.
It doesn't help that I perhaps subconsciously compare his parents too; when he lost his GM a few months before, his dad was the complete opposite and when DS was born, was so tentative towards him and giving him back after a reasonable time frame and taking holidays just to sit with me whereas his mum was messaging me telling me when she was off so she could come and take the baby for the day and trying to take over with absolutely everything concerned when he was a day old.
I have no idea why, but her voice makes me seeth as well as the way she talks to our son and the thought of her being face to face with our son anymore than she has been makes me feel sick and anxious, like a cloud is over me almost. She keeps saying she can't wait to get her hands on him (my fiancé hasn't wanted anyone cuddling him with Covid situation) and it's just taking me back to when he was tiny and she kept forcing herself all over him.
I'm not saying this is normal and I'm right before anyone jumps on me (and feel nervous posting so please be kind!) I'm asking, for the sake of DS, how can I try and change how I feel to make it better for all concerned? All of this just seems to have clumped together and created an issue in my mind that feels like a physical barrier. How can I try and get over this as I feel ridiculous but I just cannot shake feeling like this?
We will never have a really close relationship with her but I don't think it's right that she shouldn't see DS at all and I don't feel like this about anyone else.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Can this be repaired?
4 replies
beansontoast20 · 18/07/2020 11:22
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.