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Trust Issues

(5 Posts)
Catherine0 Thu 16-Jul-20 18:07:58

Oh god where do I start. I've fallen in love with a male friend. I've known him for about 4 years now but since I split with my partner 6 months ago he has become a bit more flirty and invited me to a show etc which he's never done before, he has bought me flowers on a couple of occasions now "to cheer me up". This flirting awakened feelings I didn't realise I had.

Now a bit about me, I am on the autistic spectrum and am extremely introverted and shy especially about intimacy. I was with my previous partner over 10 years and very loyal (it was a mutual decision to split, nothing nasty).

Now my friend has been single for several years now, he has autism and add himself but has a very sexually active past, was into bdsm and has a whole string of partners and I don't dare question him why it ended etc because I don't want to look like I'm expressing interest if he doesn't feel the same way for sure. See I'm the total opposite. Only long term serious relationships and I worry this guy isn't relationship material. He has mainly female friends and has confessed that he's kissed a few on occasion when drunk. This seriously worries me. He has recently moved to my home town and is really involving me in his life, asking for my opinion in decorating and telling me that I'm the most important person in his life, but he's never actually come out and just said I like you or made any romantic or intimate move on me. I'm used to being chased and the guy making the move.

I'm finding I'm now getting jealous over his female friends, especially after he said he'd kissed one. It's actually making me feel like I'm going insane. He has low self esteem too as we both had shit upbringings and I can think this is the only reason he's not made a move but the doubt in the back of my mind is that maybe he really does think we are just good friends?

I'm literally torturing myself in my head daily over this. I don't think I've ever been so miserable in my life, it's constantly on my mind but I don't dare say anything to him incase I ruin our friendship but the way it is going its going to anyway sad

Has anyone been through this?

OP’s posts: |
Shoxfordian Thu 16-Jul-20 18:17:51

He's messing you about. There's too many Queens in the castle with him, he's just adding you to the list. Stop seeing him as often and don't reply if he messages

Crystalspider Thu 16-Jul-20 18:19:11

No I haven't but just reading about him makes me wince, he's really doesn't seem like relationship material and if you feelling anxiety about this now it's going to get worse if he really was your bf.
He flirts with you and all his other female friends.

category12 Thu 16-Jul-20 18:23:07

Are you into BDSM? Because if you're not and you try doing it to please someone else, you're going to make yourself miserable. And don't expect him to give it up for you.

He has no trouble making moves on other women, so I've no idea why you think he has too little self-esteem to make a move on you.

He sounds like really bad news for you.

Onacleardayyoucansee Thu 16-Jul-20 18:48:08

Listen to your gut on this.
You "know" it's not a, good idea already.
You are not on the same page.
You can be attracted and not act on it.
Start to distance yourself.

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