Just after a bit of advice ..
I’ve been with my partner nearly 8 years and a few days ago I caught him out in a lie.
We had both agreed through many conversations that with Coronavirus, we weren’t in any rush to go out anywhere or on the holiday we’d booked etc especially as I am on the vulnerable list and his words were ‘unnecessary risk’.
That’s fine with me but if he wanted to do any of that, fine. It was his suggestion in the first place but I 100% agreed.
So Thursday, whilst he was out visiting his brother (I stayed home as working) I was on snapchat and saw his brother had snap chatted on stories a picture of them both at the pub.
I was surprised after the comments made only a few days before in front of my Mum so I called him (I shouldn’t have done this but was annoyed as I’d turned down offers etc of going out myself as we had agreed not to go out) and when asked what he was up to, he lied and said he had gone to visit his Nan.
I then called him out on his lie (it’s not the first time he’s lied, he lies every few months and gets caught out and this cycle happens) we argued and have now split.
All he was bothered about was how I ruined his hour in the pub and his brother was pissed off and that he never wants to see me again.
I was annoyed he’d lied more than anything as if I had known he wanted to go to the pub, I had no problem and could arrange things for myself now too.
I have now had so much rubbish thrown at me about how I’m controlling, how he’s lost all his family and friends, how he’s so miserable, how all I care about is my children, how I spend all his money (completely not true as I earn more than him and I’ve never stopped him doing anything, he just has no get up and go and can never be bothered to do anything anyway) etc etc.
Has called me all sorts of names and is just being vile! I even had to turn off my phone as the messages were getting worse.
I have never controlled anything or anyone and being completely honest, it’s been the other way around.
Every few months he goes off on one like this and whatever I’ve done (or not done) is thrown back at me to the point now, if I now make any decisions, I always say to him, please don’t throw this back in my face as it’s the same old cycle and I just wait for him to kick off.
He hadn’t had one of these episodes in a while so I should’ve known it was due.
Anyway, before all of this, we were renovating a buy to let and I have been bossy. I’ve just wanted to get on with things as we’ve had to put everything on hold for months and are losing money each month so it’s been quite stressful.
The last few weekends I’ve been working hard to get on top but now he’s saying that he had no choice in the buy to let, how I’ve controlled it all .. Only the day before we were choosing the fixtures and fittings etc and told me how he was enjoying spending out time together doing this and that we should buy another once completed.
Anyway, he’s moved in with his brother and I’ve had days and days of being told how horrendous I am and how I’ve ruined his life. He’s telling anyone who will listen. Even told my son when they saw each other in the shop!
This is a 50 year old man being pushed around by a 39 year old woman ?? It’s just not true.
I’m gutted as I thought we were in this together and for the long term and were even talking about getting married etc next year but obviously not.
The future I had planned for is now gone and I don’t know what to do.
My family are brilliant, my children are teenagers and are glad to see him go as he was always on at them but I feel a bit lost.
I’m trying to sort out the financials etc to keep busy and I know he will be fair (I hope so anyway) but any advice on how to get over the fact my future has now changed and how to not let his name calling eat away at me as I’m now doubting and questioning everything.
My whole relationship has been a lie if this is how he’s felt 😥
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Relationship has been a lie??
user1471542844 · 12/07/2020 17:48
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