...I can't find make up my mind whether/how/when to leave my husband?
We've been together for 25 years, married for nearly 20. He is 9 years older than me. We met and live in his country. We have two teenagers.
I feel that I have grown up and changed and want more than he can give me. There is no intimacy, not just physical. I feel that he has never really cared about who I really am. I'm just the wife. No emotional support, nothing in common, not a great deal to say to one another and no fun. He is not abusive although I feel in the past, as I was younger and in a foreign country, he took advantage of my 'weaker position' as it were. I'm older and wiser now.
I work and could support myself. I have a few friends but no family (elderly and live in my home country).
I would like to move 'home' but this would mean starting over and besides, my children will no doubt stay here so I suppose I have no choice but to stay here too really.
I wish I had left when the children were small. I wanted to but at the time I was a SAHM and just didn't see how I could.
The children are at the age where they are starting to think about university, careers and leaving home and it has brought things into focus. I don't want to be with my husband when it's just the two of us.
Can anyone help me understand why, when I have clarity on the above, I can't seem to act on it?
I worry that I could be making a mistake. That I will be alone in a foreign country should anything happen to me ( ill health) with no support. I worry too about the effect on my children, one of whom has struggled with anxiety and depression. I worry less about finances as I will have enough to get by OK as I work and earn a decent salary. We also have enough equity for me to pay a deposit and get a mortgage.
I feel as though I would be throwing a grenade and blowing up everyone else's world for what are, essentially, selfish reasons.
What's going on? Is this normal? How do you move forward?
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
AIBU to ask you to help me understand why...
8 replies
heirloomcurls · 06/07/2020 11:30
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.