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Stuck in limbo after break up. Why?

(2 Posts)
lemonade525 Mon 29-Jun-20 23:26:36

I split up with Ex two months ago. The penny dropped when I realised that his some of his words and actions were abusive. I always thought that when we argued, it was just a "bad row". He would escalate an argument by saying "Shut the fuck up" "Fuck off" then if I didn't stop, he'd say "I am begging you to stop, please" then if I continued, I'd get called a "Bitch or cunt" to hurt me and make me stop. This would work because I would go silent and cry. Hours or minutes later he'd apologise, promise to control his words. We'd get along like a house on fire then a following few weeks ahead, it would happen again.

I had to break the cycle and just leave, I felt he was too weak to leave. After most arguments, he'd throw in a threat to break up or he'd walk off. I could see in his eyes that the rows were getting to him, he kept saying he "didn't want to row anymore" As much as we had some amazing times, those names could never be taken back. I hope I don't sound dramatic? I am sensitive, My parents call me "Touchy" and friends say I can get easily upset, however, I feel I was justified in those instances with Ex?

Now it's been two months and I feel I haven't made any progress with myself. In my head, It just hasn't sunk in that we are over. Everything feels surreal, is this normal?

OP’s posts: |
anonnnnni Wed 01-Jul-20 20:40:59

On one hand you acknowledge you being touchy and sensitive. On the other, you paint a picture of a man who calls you names, threatened your relationship in anger and swears at you in a cyclic fashion. Is it possible that both things can be true?
Does it matter if you sound dramatic? I get the sense that the feeling of not being able to move on or accept that it’s over is rooted in the fact you have been so used to this mean and sweet cycle.

When you have spent the past two months without the drama and instead (perhaps?) reminiscing on the ‘amazing’ times, then you’re likely to feel stuck.

Would it help to write down all the things about him/the relationship that made you unhappy?

A good relationship doesn’t end in you being on the receiving end of such chaos and bad treatment. It won’t make you feel overly touchy or dramatic etc. Figuring out what you want out of life without this verbally abusive man dragging you down will hell you move forwards.

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