My mum and my DH hate each other. DM is quite controlling and the last few years, especially since I had a child, have been a long slow process of trying to set better boundaries, reduce meddling, protect myself and my family. DM and DH particularly come into conflict over our DD. She is very belittling of him as a partner or a parent. DH is not perfect, in fact he had a mental health breakdown earlier this year which put a HUGE strain on our marriage. I have stopped confiding in DM at all because she just calls him controlling, rude and a bad partner/parent. Which is ironic because he calls her all the same things. DH was not a great partner while he was ill, he was very selfish and quite dismissive of my feelings etc though he ALWAYS made an effort for DD. Since going on medication, it's like I got my old DH back. he still has bad days but he's open about them and what's going on so we can work around them and the rest of the time he is his old self, funny and warm and supportive .
The big change is, any tolerance he had for my mum and my dad who does facilitate mum's lack of boundaries and controlling ways is completely gone. He is forceful to rude with them when they cross his lines. Straight from 0-10.I am sure a lot of you will say fair enough and I should get as strong as him but it's very hard to unpick a life time of Dm telling me I am 'hers' and all we have is each other (Her, DF and me). Now lockdown is ending and they are coming around more these rows have escalated. They are upsetting DD and upsetting me. DH says it;s the only way my parents will learn. They refuse to change anything even when I ask them nicely. I'm also 24 weeks pregnant with an IVF pregnancy and I;m just so tired of being stuck in the middle and feeling like I am failing absolutely everyone. I just want everyone to calm down and talk but that seems impossible. Is there anyway to stop it hurting and just take my DH's side? Despite everything with my mum I am so scared of losing any relationship with my parents. Please be kind. I think if I read my post I;d think I was pathetic too.
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Exhausted by conflict
4 replies
DrowsyDragon · 24/06/2020 16:48
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