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SIL - interfering again

(20 Posts)
Hairwizard Wed 24-Jun-20 14:30:34

Soo, dp and I have 4dc together. Youngest being dts who are 1 in 2 weeks.

One of dp clients who hes known for years is a plumber and does any plumbing we need as hes very good. He was in a couple weeks back and during the time he was in he announced he and his dp expecting again. Cue some anecdotes about parenting etc, bit of a laugh about we are making a football team blah blah. (We havent decided to call it a day just yet..)
Dp commented something like '5's the magic number, maybe we will get this parenting craic right with number 5 ' bit more laughing etc.
Plumber back in yest to do something else and it came up again. He had been out at SILs house to do a job and had been winding her up about dps comments. He was laughing away as he told us she was giving off 'fs ive him told no more! No fking way! Whats he playing at?'
Now obvs when/if we hsve any more is no one elses business. And yes everyone has a fking opinion on everything as soon as you start having babies.
But this is really fking pissing me off. Ive not said anything to dp as yet but i cant let this go. Its not the first time shes made remarks as ive seen messages and she went to my bf to have eyebrows done and had made comments.
Theres been other things shes said/done and this is last straw.
Dont even want to be in her company as its all i can do to bite my tongue.
Dont even know why am posting. Needed to vent.

OP’s posts: |
hellsbellsmelons Wed 24-Jun-20 15:26:04

Vent away OP.
I'd be thinking the same as her as one was enough for me because I'm just not that maternal.
But I would never say it.
I admire anyone that can cope with more than one!
It's your relationship and your family.
Please try to ignore her comments.
She's a twat and doesn't deserve this head space.
Her opinion means nothing.
You do what you want!

OneForMeToo Wed 24-Jun-20 15:31:19

Well I think most people start to think that after number three to be honest. I’d think you was crazy having a 5th after twins. Just wouldn’t say it to your face.

Hairwizard Wed 24-Jun-20 15:57:41

Lol @oneformetoo and @hellsbellsmelons
Yes everyone has an opinion but doesnt mean it has to be shared, like you said youd keep shtum. But not sil. And i know its not just her airing an opinion. She honestly expects him to do as she says. Tries to micromanage everyone around her.

OP’s posts: |
TeamLannister Wed 24-Jun-20 16:04:21

I think you need to lighten up. So what if she disagrees with you, it doesn't matter unless she's in your face about it constantly. She can share her opinion if she likes and you have no right to control that.

ProfMcGonigle Wed 24-Jun-20 16:05:57

For context, I'm a mum of a big family so completely agree with your choices. However, I'm not sure this shows her interfering. This started as a jokey chat which extended outwith your earshot. Plumber friend was probably just saying 'something' about an area that they both have in common. It sounds like a jokey response.
You know her bettter of course but, in reality, it seems a lighthearted thing to say to a mutual acquaintance

HeddaGarbled Wed 24-Jun-20 16:07:58

She’s not really interfering, though, just saying what she thinks to a mutual acquaintance. Have you never done anything similar? I do it regularly.

Hairwizard Wed 24-Jun-20 16:09:25

@TeamLannister
Shes not just having an opinion. I know she expects him to do what she says. One to have one another to interfere.

OP’s posts: |
Hairwizard Wed 24-Jun-20 16:10:01

It is interfering as ive seen texts between her and dp.

OP’s posts: |
IndieRo Wed 24-Jun-20 16:54:13

What a cow, absolutely none of her business. Really annoys me how other people think they can have a say or their "opinion" about your life. Has she any children herself? She could be jealous of you and dp relationship.

Hairwizard Wed 24-Jun-20 17:11:23

Nope. And thats by choice. Not cos she couldnt or hadnt met right man etc. Dont think any man would put up with her tbh.

OP’s posts: |
Illstartexercisingtomorrow Wed 24-Jun-20 20:40:23

Unless your DP actually listens to her you’re much better off just not giving her the time of day. Let DP deal with her.

SandyY2K Wed 24-Jun-20 23:23:08

It's up to your BF to tell her it's none of her business really.

I have to say...your friend shouldn't have said anything to you about it. That was never going to be well received by you.

Is she saying this because your BF happens to moan to her about the kids..being tired....or the cost of having kids....being skint or maybe just generally complain about something she might associate with the kids?

I don't see why or how she would have the nerve to say this to him (your DP) if he spoke positively and said he wants a large family.

Can you see what I mean?...Because the first comment from her to him should be met with a response of "I'll have as many kids as I want...this is nothing to do with you Dsis"

If she persists..he shuts her down and says he isn't responding....

Cherrysoup Thu 25-Jun-20 00:28:57

DP needs a word with her re it’s none of her fking business.

AgentJohnson Thu 25-Jun-20 08:10:02

She can only interfere if you or her brother lets her.

doyounothavegoogle Thu 25-Jun-20 08:52:13

Plumber back in yest to do something else and it came up again. He had been out at SILs house to do a job and had been winding her up about dps comments.

So anything that goes on in your house gets reported back to your SIL by the plumber?

I'd be more worried about this.

Hairwizard Thu 25-Jun-20 13:40:51

@doyounothavegoogle
Yes theres that aswell.

Dp isnt one to complain about anything. He just gets on with things and carries on.
Money isnt a problem and we dont palm the dc off every chance we get. Ive been very careful not to be doing that as the last pg (obvs unaware it was twins at time of announcing) when announced it wasnt greeted so warmly by his side of the house. And sil had made comments along lines of 'oh well youd best move your parents closer ...' all said in jest but not really joking iyswim. I wont be giving her the chance to go on about how we cant manage the dc we have etc.
And when she is saying to him no more shes not joking. She behaves like the head of the family. Never have i seen anything like it with anyone else i know and their family.
Dp is forever telling to stop trying to micro manage etc when she starts about anything. Without wanting to dripfeed shes waay overinvolved in his stuff but part of that is because he fking tells her everything.
I will probably end up leaving him over her tbh as i dont feel he will ever have my back when it comes to her and her controlling.

OP’s posts: |
Hairwizard Thu 25-Jun-20 13:42:00

*telling her

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SandyY2K Thu 25-Jun-20 18:06:46

we dont palm the dc off every chance we get.

So does she or his family babysit sometimes ? You say not every chance...but perhaps if they babysit, they really don't want to at all.

Money isnt a problem

In which case it's best to pay for all babysitting if there's an issue.

but part of that is because he fking tells her everything.

This is the crux of the issue really. One word from him telling her the number of DC he has, is between him and you would have ended her talking about it.

I will probably end up leaving him over her tbh as i dont feel he will ever have my back when it comes to her and her controlling

Sorry to hear this.... but if you feel this way...why would you even be considering more children after the twins.

4 children....on your own if you leave him... you'd get no divorce settlement as you're not married! Things could get pretty tough financially if this happens.

I hope things improve for you both anyway and he can see her behaviour for what it is.

Does he actually realise there's a problem.

Nanny0gg Thu 25-Jun-20 20:27:10

You've had 4 children, you don't think you're 'done' yet, and you'd leave him over this?

I hope you've got your finances in order.

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