Hi
Thanks for reading. I'm wary of how I may come across but I need to get this off my chest
I married my husband after we got pregnant 2years jnto a really wonderful relationship. I'd been single through choice for a while, after suffering a trauma I struggled to accept people liking /loving me and rejected a lot of kind and generous (in spirit not materialistic gifts!) boyfriends when they got serious. I then met my now husband and through friends telling me he is fun a good guy, we had mutual friends etc it seemed an easier "leap" to trust him and 2 years in we were married with our first. Now we have two kids 4 and 2. The problem is that this kind man has become quite difficult. When we were dating he wasn't too clingy or pushy or needy but he was very "interested" as we all are when dating but he showed thoughtfulness and care. Now I feel I'm with a man that likes to go out a lot to the pub with work ( not in lockdown obviously) and drinking with friends etc. Hungover he is rude and unpleasant but he can't go more than 2-3 weeks without feeling desperate for another release. All his pals are the same. The difference is his pals wives don't work so there is a different dynamic there. With me and my oh, I work full time in a stressful job to contribute to the level of lifestyle both of us want and that which all his friends enjoy. When we met I was looking for jobs abroad and he was keen to join me. We didn't move at that point but he always knew that as an army child myself growing up all over the world I wanted the same for my kids. He now says if I want to move abroad he won't come with me. I also desperately wanted 3 kids. He now says no way. I feel trapped. Like I'm just stuck here doing a job I actually hate, with less financial security Than when I was single, wishing I'd married one of the men that had really wanted me over this guy. I have these thoughts a lot and then push them away as obviously I do love him and I would like this to work. But I just feel lost and trapped
I told him this last weekend and his response was that he's not a bad person and would never want to make anyone unhappy or be responsible for stopping them living their dreams so he wants me to do whatever makes me happy. It just feels so sad. Like he takes no responsibility for this life of ours. He loves his job and colleagues, and I do not love either of mine so would leave in a flash. But I just feel like is this it ?! He says he has his friends (from school still 😕) and why change that ? But I was hoping for more of an adventure than this, a noisy house, experiencing life from different angles together. He is so happy with tv, same friends, pub trips. Sometimes I feel I've been. Tricked while dating and now he's showing who he really is. I don't know what to do. Sex is also rare and he rarely ever wants to be with me. I am attractive and in good shape I work reallt hard to stay in shape etc. I make an effort with my appearance to keep things alive and a physical attraction there I just feel he can't be bothered
Please help.
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Relationships
I don't know if this can be it anymore
8 replies
nickname7890 · 20/06/2020 13:53
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