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How to be happy alone?

(15 Posts)
krkw Fri 19-Jun-20 14:15:31

How did you learn to be ok alone? I have friends and family but it's having someone there at the end of the day, the cuddles and partnership and having someone to share my life with I miss. I miss the family unit too and doing things as a family.

OP’s posts: |
anotherdisaster Fri 19-Jun-20 15:53:43

How long have you been single? Its different for everyone and some people are never really happy alone.
I was in a very long relationship which ended 3 years ago. I went into panic mode and thought I had to meet someone quick due to my age. 3 years down the line and 3 failed 'relationships; later I think I've finally reached the point of wanting to be on my own. Lockdown has also proved how self sufficient I am.
Yes of course there will be times I wish I had someone. But the more crap relationships I have, the more I realise that being alone beats that any day.

krkw Fri 19-Jun-20 17:02:08

My longterm ended a year ago but I started talking to someone and went on a few dates but we never even got to the stage of going to each others homes it was literally just dates and that's gone no where and I've realised that not long ago it never will. I'm 33 and panicking too but I did have it drilled into my head I'm unattractive and no one will be happy with me which panics me more thinking the odds are even more against me. I've been on my own looking after my daughter, paying bills and doing stuff like DIY so I dont need a partner for that. I just miss feeling part of a team and tbh I lost that long before my marraige even ended so I've missed it for a long time.

OP’s posts: |
NoMoreDickheads Fri 19-Jun-20 17:08:19

I would think of all the minus points of having a partner. All men have a downside- for me it's mainly their moods, I find other people's moods uncomfortable to be around, so not having to walk on eggshells or live under a cloud is sooooooo much more relaxing.

I also don't miss the chore of having to do sexual acts on them.

Or men who make disrespectful comments or are sexually coercive.

These are just my personal things- you will have your own. Think- what are the unpleasant things that you are free of?

Also find, or focus on and enjoy hobbies and interests.

krkw Fri 19-Jun-20 17:15:01

I think I'd find it easier if it wasnt for the virus because I'm at home with my daughter24/7 where as beforehand I was starting to go out with friends and family and do things just for me. I'm not normally a jealous person but seeing other families all cosied up during this while I'm here holding the fort alone stings a bit. Dont get me wrong I'm loving all the time with my daughter and having her all tok myself but I have no adult company at all

OP’s posts: |
fridaytreats Fri 19-Jun-20 18:02:32

Overall lockdown has been good for me to think about past relationships, what I should do in the future and the sort of person I'd like to be with.

Living on my own, I've been lonely at times. I've been concentrating on other things and having a partner is no longer a huge aim for me. If it happens, that would be lovely. If not, fine.

Luckily I'm an introvert and I've enjoyed the solitude of working from home. I think you get used to living on your own after a while. It doesn't have to be lonely all the time.

NoMoreDickheads Fri 19-Jun-20 18:15:35

I'm at home with my daughter 24/7 where as beforehand I was starting to go out with friends and family and do things just for me.

@krkw I think you could start doing more stuff now- I haven't kept up with all the rules but people are meeting up while socially distanced etc. You could go to the park with people and stuff, or in people's gardens. (when it's not raining!)

Bloom12 Fri 19-Jun-20 22:14:39

I can understand you completely, I was feeling lonely when my husband was with me. But don’t worry about your age. I got married when I was 32 and had my first child at age of 33.

TirisfalPumpkin Sat 20-Jun-20 08:06:37

Hello OP. I’m 33, newly single and facing the same issue.

I think it will depend on personality to some extent, but maybe focus on the positives of living alone. No man noises/farts/crashes, everything stays cleaner, you can starfish in bed and eat what you like with no need to pander to an unsophisticated spouse’s palate.

My plan is to try to prioritise friendships and get my laughs and social input that way.

madcatladyforever Sat 20-Jun-20 08:18:33

I don't know OP. I was married at 21 with a baby, divorced and single for 15 years, married for 20 and now divorced and single.
Both the men made me feel like a pice of rubbish, maid and sex toy, issues with communications, moods, sex, you name it.
I remember waking up one morning and thinking I'd rather be dead than carry on like this.
I've always been happier alone. Ok it's nice to have someone to go to the pub and on holiday with but I can go alone or with a singles group, I think the whole thing abourt cosying up with family is a myth, kids and husbands are hard work and a pain in the arse and most of the time not happy. The ideal family is very rare. I find now I'm late 50's I just want to be alone. When I was younger I was obssessed with finding happiness with someone else always thinking you couldn't be happy without that, I don't think that anymore. You just need a bit of extra confidence when you are alone.

aleisha1989 Sat 20-Jun-20 08:22:05

Find happiness within yourself. Believe in yourself. If you miss cuddles get yourself a warm water bottle and hug it, also weighted blankets are a great option to make you feel calm

krkw Sat 20-Jun-20 09:04:45

I definitely prefer being alone to being with my ex but I would like to be in a healthy relationship. I know the chances of that are slim and I need to come to terms with that and the chances being that I will have to be happy alone or keep wasting my time on men that will just hurt me. I know learning to love myself will help but right now I hate myself so I'm starting from square one and I have no clue where to start.

OP’s posts: |
TheSecondMrsAshwell Sat 20-Jun-20 10:52:45

* I'm not normally a jealous person but seeing other families all cosied up during this while I'm here holding the fort alone stings a bit.*

Read some of the other threads on here where women are with their families. Stuck with arsehole "D"Ps who spend all day in front of the XBox, expecting them to cook, clean, see to the screaming baby and be ready for sex at 3 in the morning when the XBox has lost its allure.

I'm a lifelong singleton, never lived with a man and, frankly don't think I could now. If I were living with someone, I don;t think I would be looking at Mumsnet in the middle of a Saturday morning, and let's not talk about the 2 hours writing that I did in bed at 2am today. How could I do that if I had someone snoozing beside me? I'd have to get up and then there's the possibility he'd get up to find out where I was.

Reflect on what's going well, what works. Don;t put your life on hold, waiting to restart it when you're with someone (did that when I was younger, silly cow I am). Go places, do stuff.


Isthisfinallyit Sat 20-Jun-20 11:41:24

I loved having my own house, decorated to my own taste, making my own decisions on what to wear and to eat, what to see on tv. I loved taking evening strolls alone and going to every cinema film that I wanted to see. I loved having drinks or dinner with friends or colleagues after work, or going swimming or to the gym, not needing to get home to put the cooking on. I had a blast when I was single.

Isthisfinallyit Sat 20-Jun-20 11:42:49

I realise that now some of those things are difficult to do, but others are still possible. We will go back to normal at some point.

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