Hello everyone,
I have been with my partner for 18 months. We live together and she is an amazing person who I love very much.
I have depression and borderline personality disorder and therefore for the whole of our relationship there have been ups and downs with my mental health, but she has been there for me through everything.
Because of my BPD, trust and feelings of safety are extremely important to me, and I admit that I am very hypervigiliant to any sign of someone lying to me, or acting suspiciously etc. Also, I was cheated on my a past long term partner and I had absolutely no idea, and it completely blind sided me which has added to my "paranoia". I recognise these things and admit them.
I know that I struggle with insecurity and jealousy. Anyone with BPD knows that it comes with a big fear of abandonment. I know that my partner feels worried about triggering me or setting things off. However, I have told her so many times that I would rather hear a truth that I don't like, than for you to tell a white lie, or to hide something from me. Because I will find it out, and then it will chip away at my trust and add to my feelings of paranoia. I already have to fight my irrational fears everyday so I feel like when she says these little lies they mess with my mind and I am constantly questioning what is real and what isn't.
She says that she doesn't lie, but she just tries to avoid things that she thinks will get a bad reaction from me. But by doing these things it is making everything worse because I then feel I camt take what she says on face value. And if she can say these drip drip lies, will this lead to bigger ones?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Tiny "lies" worth ending relationship?
Rosie246 · 09/06/2020 08:06
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