I really need some advice. I am writing this as I lie awake a 4am.
I meet this guy through a mutual friend 4years ago. At the time he had planned to go back to college fulltime. I was and am working fulltime. We started going out and had lots of ups and downs. He is very opinionated and arguments would easily start especially if I'd had too much to drink. Our sex like was always lacking and would always be on his terms.
3years on he gave up his full-time job to go back to college fulltime for 5years. I found out I was pregnant and he lost it saying I should have an abortion and things would be really difficult between us and it would never work. Abortion for me wasn't an option. I wanted this unplanned baby. I've my own house and a job and I knew I could support myself and the baby. Anyway he moved in with me to my house but throughout my whole pregnancy was horrible to me leaving me an emotional wreck. He also refused sex with me. I pay all the bills and mortgage and he buys the food which is our current arrangement.
I had the baby and a month later I felt compelled to check his phone as we hadn't been getting on. I found messages he had a sent to a girl he knew in America. He told her it was over between us and he couldn't stop thinking about her. We argued and I pretty much pathetically begged him to stay which he did. He promised to not text her but remained friends on social media. I made the mistake of checking his phone again in February just gone and there were more messages about how he missed her and how hot she looked. I absolutely broke down and told him to end contact which he said he would. The same week his ex sent him a video of them having sex which he admitted to me. I feel like I'm going insane at his lack of anything towards my feelings. I sent the girl in America a message on Instagram just asking if anything was going on ( I know I sound crazy). She let my boyfriend know about this and he went mad at me. He promised he has ended contact with her. I know she lives halfway across the world but I feel emotionally cheated on.
My boyfriend is very smart but I feel like he is manipulative. He never says sorry in an argument, it's always my fault. He always gets his own way and can be extremely selfish. He tells me I'm a nag and that I make him feel guilty for everything which I've convinced myself I'm a terrible person because of. He never says I look nice and rarely says he loves me. Searches on his computer say hes looking at porn. He said he needs to feel something to have sex with me. I no longer snoop because I'm afraid of what I would find. He has hidden when he is last active on all social media and also has no pictures of me or the baby anywhere online (He says this is because it's private). He has no friends only one who he never sees. His dad has lung cancer and limited days but he has barely been to see him.
Our baby is now one. I don't know what to do. I want to tell him to leave but I can't find the strength. I've confided in my mutual friend who knows us both and she said to tell him to leave. I'm really unhappy and it's having a negative impact on my confidence and self esteem. I'm partly to blame too because I do nag at little things but I'm so bitter about how he treated me that I find myself getting angry at him. Talking and communicating ends up in an argument.
I want him to be in the babies life but I don't want the baby to be like him. Help I don't know what to do
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Relationship breakdown
21 replies
Jam12 · 08/06/2020 04:07
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