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I feel so low

4 replies

coronawoes · 28/05/2020 14:23

I feel low today. I'm sick of being home with DH, I wish he would go back to work already (he's off until end July). While it's been helpful having him here to split childcare of DC, I miss my alone time. We don't spent much quality time together, he spends most mornings out exercising and then in the afternoon I do household chores (laundry, cleaning bathrooms etc) and 30 mins of exercise in the garden while he looks after DC. I know I am very fortunate to have him home as DC is only three months old and I would probably be feeling overwhelmed on my own every day. I should be thankful for the spare time in the afternoons but right now I'm fed up and want the house to myself.

At the same time I feel lonely. My two closest friends don't seem to have time for me right now (one of them is heavily pregnant and has a lot on her plate, the other is a social butterfly type and right now is prioritising other friends who are willing to go out with her). The only people who seem to want to talk to me (and are pressuring us to socialise with them in their gardens) are my mother and my in-laws, neither of whom I am looking forward to spending time with. My mum & I have a complicated relationship due to her being neglectful and emotionally abusive to me as a child. I was close to my Dad but he died recently. My in-laws are nice people but I don't have meaningful conversations with them & find them quite hard work sometimes plus they want to spend so much time with us I find it suffocating (especially having grown up fast and being used to independence because of my own childhood).

Its like the people I want to talk to don't have time for me and the people who constantly want my attention I don't want to give it to.

I feel like I have nothing to look forward post lockdown, it's just going to be more time with the in-laws. I could cry.

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Este67 · 28/05/2020 18:27

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. It's difficult to know what to do as I don't have children or a husband but perhaps you might feel better if you let your guard down with one of your friends and tell them you need them right now. I know that can feel very vulnerable but it doesn't sound like either of them is going to figure it out unless you do the heavy lifting for them. Failing that perhaps you could try organising a zoom session for you and your friends at a time when they're all available, you might find that perks you up.

Hope you feel better soon in any event.

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funnylittlefloozie · 28/05/2020 18:34

I mean this kindly but im not surprised you feel down. You've only just had a baby so i bet your hormones are still all over the place, you've lost your dad, and you're friends are AWOL. You poor thing.

Why does he have to spend all morning out exercising? I bet its bloody golf. It sounds like he is furloughed rather than trying to wfh, so why cant you spend some time together? Share out the chores and the childcare, go for a walk together.

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coronawoes · 29/05/2020 11:02

@Este67 Thank you for the reply. I've had a think and realised that I need to invest more in friendships with people who are more reliable. In the past I've been put off by friends who I perceived as too demanding or "clingy" but now I realise I've gone too much the other way and invested my time and energy in people who are the total opposite of clingy, in fact they are often nowhere to be found!! I think there must be a middle ground somewhere. It's sad to think I've nobody to turn to right now but I suppose this realisation will help to motivate me to form new friendships. I'll stay friends with the two I mentioned but I won't rely on them on future.

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coronawoes · 29/05/2020 11:08

@funnylittlefloozie Your comment about golf made me laugh as this has definitely been the case in the past (but with golf he's usually gone all day!!). He's just really into exercising, it's cycling at the moment, sometimes running. I don't mind usually and want him to be happy (he's grumpy if he doesn't exercise) but every now and then I resent him a little for it as it's time where he's completely free from family demands and I rarely have that, especially since lockdown.

Thanks for being kind about me having a tough time really. My dad's death was not "recent recent", it was last July, but it still hurts. I guess I have been through quite a lot. Maybe I need to be kinder to myself.