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To live with heartbreak forever

(11 Posts)
Sweetmagnolias Tue 26-May-20 18:23:00

I know it’s not fashionable to say it but is it possible that you never move on from
Someone you love? I’ve been reading books where the protagonists live in a perpetual state of melancholy even if they manage to continue with their life.

Sigh.

My boyfriend broke up with me last year. It’s been ten months and crazy as this sounds I love him even more now than I did then. I’m fed up of myself. And I’m fed up of feeling so lonely and low about things. I don’t even think this is due to lockdown. I’ve been feeling this way for a long time.

OP’s posts: |
PorpentiaScamander Tue 26-May-20 18:24:32

Same. It's been 6 months and I cant imagine ever getting over him.

Mind you I remember saying that when DCs Dad left too and I did grin

awesmum Tue 26-May-20 18:26:34

Not that I want to minimize your feelings at all, but is it possible you are missing being in love rather that the person you were in love with?

Sweetmagnolias Tue 26-May-20 18:31:22

Sorry you’re going through the same porpentia

I don’t know awesmum. I don’t really know anything anymore or what I feel. I know that I feel lonely. I know that I miss him. Possibly he wasn’t the right one. I guess I just feel tired and fed up and lonely more than anything and I’ve felt this way for a while.

OP’s posts: |
Pieceofpurplesky Tue 26-May-20 18:35:58

I think it's hard. Ex and I split 7 years ago and I don't miss him as he has been vile but I do miss a relationship. That said the mess he left has meant I don't think I will ever have the confidence or trust to meet anyone again!

PorpentiaScamander Tue 26-May-20 18:44:58

It hurts big time doesnt it.
flowers and socially distanced unmumsnetty hugs to you all

Bunnymumy Tue 26-May-20 18:46:20

My heart still hurts from my first love over 15 years ago. It's always felt like he took something of me with him when he left. Or like theres a wound so deep in my heart that it can never fully heal.

But so what? All part of the adventure of life. A little emotional pain lets us know that something was real. So when all the world feels a little grey, we can remember that there is also some black and white in there too. Some light and dark. Some sorrow and some levity.

Loneliness and feeling low are often separate from that initial heartbreak though. We tend to blame these things on our past rather than consider that maybe we are just needing to take better care of ourselves now. They are issues you need to tackle as and when they bubble up. Treat the symptoms, not the cause. Go for a run, have a dance to some music, call a friend.

Some pain runs deep. We carry it with us. But it isnt an excuse not to live our lives.

Zaphodsotherhead Tue 26-May-20 18:54:56

It does hurt and it does take time. But re the books - novels have to show a character 'growing and changing' and if they don't start at a fixed point (ie where they have 'been hurt and swear they will never love again') then it's hard to show them moving on.

The hurt can scar you, but it will also make you stronger in the long run.

Whoknows38 Wed 27-May-20 19:11:11

Same situation: I found though getting out and meeting guys really gave me confidence. Had a couple of one night stands and no regrets. Obviously this isn’t for everyone and it’s not really like me. I’m still struggling with it but it does get better 💕

Candyfloss99 Wed 27-May-20 19:13:14

I promise you you will get over him. 10 months isn't really that long. They say it's supposed to take half the time you were with someone to get over them.

user1471453601 Wed 27-May-20 19:19:34

I split from the love of my life forty years ago. He did something immoral and,eventually for me, unforgivable.

It wasn't easy and still isnt. But it's better for my mental health that I no longer have any contact with him. I've accepted that, like thousands of others , I fell for a wrong un. Tough on me.

I've made a good life for me and my family. I'm content. I think about what could have been, if he had been different, but he wasnt. The end

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