I’ve name changed for this as I would hate for anyone I know to ever read this and realise it was me! Apologies for how long this is in advance, I just don’t want to drip feed.
I have three sisters, two live away from the town we grew up in (one is at uni and the other moved away to live in her DP’s area). We get on well, see each other every few months, everyone seems happy. My other sister lives in our home town and alternates between living with divorced DM and DF, despite being in a very good job. She’s currently on lockdown at DF’s after a huge argument with DM (this is a very frequent occurrence) but is angling to go back to DM’s.
A couple of years ago I tried to go NC with this sister which was a decision I didn’t take lightly and was the culmination of years and years of horrible behaviour from her and having to watch her treat my parents and my other sisters abysmally (one example of many is the time she was living rent free at home as had stacked up so much debt, arrived downstairs with a packed suitcase, demanded a lift to the airport two hours away, screamed until DF agreed, then rang every family member from her abroad hurling abuse as she had ‘ran out of money and was starving’.) I realised she was just a toxic person who is unlikely to change and decided life was just too short to spend constantly miserable at the hands of someone else’s behaviour.
I was completely NC with her for over a year and half, but my DM was so upset by this that she begged me to speak to her. During the time I was NC, I was still getting weekly phone calls from DM about my sister’s latest stunts etc. I truly believe my sister is a narcissist and will not change but DM is insistent she will ‘grow out of it’ and is totally resistant to any suggestions that she should stop pandering to her/ try to put some healthy boundaries in place.
When visiting home and staying with DM a few months ago, she put me in a difficult position by arranging a day out for us, and when we arrived, my sister was there. She was basically trying to force me to speak to her, so I did. We haven’t had much contact since then as I went back to my home, but after she’d had yet another argument with DM, my sister sent me some really horrible texts blaming me for their argument and calling me every name under the sun. My life is so much less stressful without my sister in it and I’m just not willing to put up with her shit for the rest of our lives.
My dilemma is: I’m moving back to my home town soon for a job. My DM has offered me my childhood bedroom back while I scope out my options, which makes a lot of sense due to the current situation with the virus etc. How on earth do I manage the situation when I’ll be no longer a hundred miles away? My DM is already speaking about Christmas and birthdays and family weddings etc, and how she doesn’t want there to be a rift and I just have no idea how to handle it all. I don’t want to unnecessarily hurt my mum but I also really don’t want to have my sister take centre stage in my life again.
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Going NC with sibling- please help
Handlingthis · 16/05/2020 10:22
I hope you find somewhere soon and can keep your distance when things are rocky 
I understand totally about the 'nice to everyone else' part :(
I have a mother and sister like that. My DH always thought I exaggerated a bit until the day my DM (not knowing my husband was at home, his car was in for it's MOT) 'popped round' for another of her unannounced visits and got straight into being absolutely vile to me from the moment I'd opened the door.
He heard everything, and within 2 mins of her beginning the usual tirade of insults and criticisms, he jumped off his chair in another room and ran to the hall (she hadn't even made it into the lounge before starting in on me), and began shouting at her 'who the fuck do you think you are to talk to her like that ??'
As smooth as you like she changed from nasty bitch to joking MIL, but the look on her face when she turned back to me was pure evil. She knew she'd been caught out and planned to make me suffer for it later.
Stopped contact with her about a month later and neither my DM or my DS has never been in touch since. Every Xmas, birthday etc has been ignored, but DM did try to contact my 2 DC when they turned 16, no doubt to try to turn them against me.
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