Breakup

[Notfunanymore]

My girlfriend has recently brown up with me. We dated for about 9 months following a breakup with her ex. She always showered me with affection and was always telling me how much she loved me, that she was so lucky to have me and couldn't believe we were together. We didn't argue to cause the sudden breakup. Literally one day she was acting as normal saying all these usual things to me and acting in her usual attentive manner and the following day she stopped followed out of the blue with a message saying she loves me but still loves her ex and can't be with me as she can't give me what I deserve. I am so confused it came out of nowhere. I can't talk to her about it, we haven't spoken since other than me trying to respond in a dignified manner. I don't want to question her about it as I want to respect her decision and don't want to run the risk of driving her further away by appearing desperate or needy. I am just confused with what has happened and need help to understand.

[rvby]

Gosh I'm so sorry. I can't say what shes thinking but I can say my heart goes out to you. Do you have friends or a family member who you can reach out to? If not we can chat to you... but someone who knows you is usually better? Xx hugs to you.

[Mnthrowaway20202]

It may have came out of nowhere for you, but she’s probably been thinking about this for a while. You didn’t do anything wrong, it was just bad timing as you ended up being in a rebound relationship with someone who unfortunately isn’t over their ex.

[Mnthrowaway20202]

She shouldn’t have told you how much she loved you if she was still in love with her ex. She wasn’t ready to date bc she still had feelings for someone else, and has somewhat led you on in the process. She was basically with you so she wouldn’t be alone, and so she could test if she was over her ex, which is unfair on you. She could have told you sooner or made it clear she wasn’t looking for anything serious. I’m not surprised you’re confused, but I hope you feel better soon.

[Notfunanymore]

Thank you for your replies. I have people to talk to but really wanted to get the opinion of women rather than the opinions of male friends or female friends who may tell me what I want to hear. I have thought I have been in love a few times before but nothing compares to this. I now know what it is to feel love for someone and it comes in 2 forms. It comes in the happiness you have when you are with that person which I have felt in previous relationships but I now know that true love is felt in the way you feel when you lose a relationship. For the first time I feel lost and numb as though I am grieving. The woman that broke up with me I think is confused and is actually still in love with the person she was with at the beginning of their relationship and not the person he has become. They have 3 children together and I think she is missing the security of having their home and him having a relationship with their children as he all but washed his hands of any parental responsibility when they broke up causing huge stress to her. I'm really at a loss do I contact her or leave her alone and hope that she sees past any confusion? It is impossible to just turn off my feelings for her and it is so hard not contacting her at all. It's been a week since we last spoke and I can't stop thinking about her...not in a creepy way it's just hard not too when you harbour feelings like this, that I have never felt before. We used to text all day and chat for hours on the phone without realising how much time had past and then a few days later she tells me she still loves her ex would move back if it was an option and it doesn't mean she doesn't love me but thinks I deserve better and she can't give me what I deserve or need. Is there any hope in this?

[Notfunanymore]

Anyone Got a perspective please?

[BitOfFun]

No, there's no hope with this particular girlfriend. It must have taken a lot for her to speak so honestly with you, so you need to assume she means it.

The best thing for you to do would be to grieve the loss of a relationship that wasn't going as well as you'd been led to believe, to confide in your real life friends, and to act with dignity and respect her decision.

[PhoenixIsFlying]

I am sorry you are going through this. I wouldn’t contact her. It won’t achieve anything or change her mind. As hard as it is I think the best thing to do is just accept her decision and move on. You sound like a really lovely person. Try and focus on yourself now.