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Is it normal to feel sad meeting someone new?

(10 Posts)
Gnarlibar Mon 04-May-20 09:45:34

I'm divorced and was on my own for 3 years before meeting someone a year ago. He's truly lovely but emotionally traumatised from previous relationships, and we just couldn't hold it together. It all came to a head a month ago and as far as I can see it's over for good.

My friends pushed me to start meeting other people after a couple of weeks. After a couple of false starts I started talking to someone who looks good on paper, other than an 8 year age gap that I'm not entirely comfortable with; I'm in my mid-40s so it shouldn't be that significant and I decided to give him a chance. We met yesterday, within the social distancing guidelines for where we live. No physical contact but we had a nice afternoon together, the conversation flowed well, and objectively it went well. I do like him.

The meeting left me so sad. I cried all the way home and all night last night because of the differences between him and my ex.

I've never been through this before. My previous relationships deteriorated over a long period and it was a relief to get out of them. This is the first time I've lost a relationship that I wasn't ready to let go of, and it's the first time I've actively tried to move on by dating someone else. Do other people go through this? Is it likely to get better if I press ahead or am I setting myself (and the new person) up for more hurt?

OP’s posts: |
category12 Mon 04-May-20 09:49:49

Sounds like you're not ready. Leave it until you actively want to date.

crispysausagerolls Mon 04-May-20 09:52:48

Yes! You just aren’t ready. I (mortifyingly) went on a date whilst heartbroken and texted my ex from the loo to let him know. Very normal x hug

Gnarlibar Mon 04-May-20 10:01:49

Thank you. I suspected as much.

OP’s posts: |
Herpesfreesince03 Mon 04-May-20 10:03:50

You’re not ready, it was pretty nasty of your friends to push you into dating immediately after a break up. And YABU going on dates right now either way. I’d spend the rest of this year focusing on yourself

Isitsixoclockalready Mon 04-May-20 10:08:25

I wouldn't necessarily say it was nasty of the OP's friends. Sometimes people suggest things with the best of intentions even if it's not using the best judgement.

Gnarlibar Mon 04-May-20 10:11:56

My best friend's response was to tell me I just hadn't dated enough people. She seems to think that if I cycle through enough people I'll eventually stop caring about my ex and what we lost. It really brought home how little she understands me - which is pretty significant considering that she's also my cousin and we've known each other all our lives. Yet one more thing for me to be upset about.

OP’s posts: |
category12 Mon 04-May-20 11:19:31

Oh, she no doubt means well, and maybe it's the way she would deal with it in your situation. A lot of people say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. People often say stupid stuff when they're trying to help but don't really know what else to say/suggest. I don't think it means she doesn't know you at all. Just a blindspot.

ConkerGame Mon 04-May-20 11:46:25

Yes this happened to me. I knew I wasn’t ready but went on a date in an effort to move on. I felt on the verge of tears all evening and cried all the way home. I took a 6 month break after that to take the time to get over it and focus on myself and my own needs and it was the best thing I could have done.

Just take your time and don’t fee forced to move on before you’re ready.

thepeopleversuswork Mon 04-May-20 12:24:19

Either you aren't ready or you just don't like him. You can't force it when its not there and that kind of reaction is a clear signal that its not there.

It sounds as if your friend is pushing it too early. I'd take a step back for some more time.

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