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Has anyone been unhealthily in love? Loving someone too much?

(18 Posts)
ashley010 Fri 01-May-20 23:01:26

Just want to hear from anyone who has ever been in this situation and if anyone has ever been in a relationship with someone they love too much?

OP’s posts: |
workofheart Fri 01-May-20 23:14:55

Yes and 20 years after splitting up I still think about him every day sad

Singlemum31 Fri 01-May-20 23:17:34

Yes 😩like previous poster said still think of them today, wonder what they doing etc.
I don't think I will find another connection like it, even know it was never going to work.

Prisonbreak Fri 01-May-20 23:17:36

Unhealthy in love makes me think of a stalker with an obsession, possibly dangerous. Is that what you mean?

Bathbedandbeyond Fri 01-May-20 23:21:18

Yep! It was awful, didn’t work out and now I’m in a much happier relationship smile

NotJustStories Fri 01-May-20 23:23:57

Yes.

It was awful. Toxic. Magnetic. Soul destroying. Addictive.

Still think of her but she was horrible and we didn't work together at all but God, I loved her.

itaintthatdeeep Fri 01-May-20 23:25:19

Yeah you need to attend sex and love therapy.

priya38 Fri 01-May-20 23:35:37

Just broken up with one lastnight. The chemistry was amazing, the connection was amazing, we had a telepathic connection, very similar interests and views. All very perfect but he just won't commit, so after nearly two years I had to let him go. But I do feel like no man will ever be able to take his place, we were perfect in so many ways. And now I've gotta go back in the dating pool again sad

NoMoreDickheads Fri 01-May-20 23:37:31

@Prisonbreak I took it more as putting up with someone that's a cunt. Or wanting more commitment than the other person.

@ashley010 What sort of thing do you mean?

If you mean put up with being treated badly, then yes, I have in some relationships. I don't intend to again. No-one's worth it.

Marimari93 Fri 01-May-20 23:51:58

Yes! It's time to lice yourself more than anyone else. You called it yourself "unhealthy"... then you just walk away. You cannot heal childhood trauma by recreating it. Read "Untamed" by author Gannon, find self love and self respect and walk away.

Marimari93 Fri 01-May-20 23:52:08

Love!!!!

Ilovecats14 Sat 02-May-20 00:31:18

Yes. I stayed through DV he did awful things. but I loved him so much. I left him 8 years ago. He forced me down the stairs and locked me out of my home when my child was inside sleeping. I had nowhere to go, i couldn't tell my family or friends what he was really like. Ended up having to call 999 from a phone box and they picked me up and took me to the police station where I gave a statement. I lied in that statement by playing down the things he had done. They still ended up arresting him and removing him from my home and he later admitted he would have killed me if I'd gone back alone. I really loved him so made excuses for his behaviour. I am far more happy without him. He has a girlfriend now and it panics me what he might be doing to her behind closed doors.

PrimeroseHillAnnie Sat 02-May-20 00:45:20

I was very young and he was married. Lost my cherry to him and he told me he loved me every time we got naked. I naively thought we had a future. I was broken when he ended our relationship - if that was what it was. He had a huge penis.

Closetbeanmuncher Sat 02-May-20 01:04:55

What you're describing isn't love...

limerance, trauma bonds or co-dependance but can't tell you which without further info.

ChristmasFluff Sat 02-May-20 08:24:29

Yes, every single time until I was in a relationship with a sociopath which I ended, but it was so terrible that it made me look back on my life and relationship patterns.

Love was everything to me, and when I was in love I would completely lose myself in catering to the other person. The relationships would then end, either with me feeling completely suffocated (by the dynamic I had created), or due to the other person abusing me - because I'd missed red flags whilst I was so busy enmeshing.

It was classic codependency - but I rejected that for ages, because I am the most independent person - people depend on me! But that's not what it is about - and being very independent is actually a sign of it, because I was unable to ask for help when I needed it.

Codependency is seeking validation from outside sources, rather than being a source of love and approval to yourself.

Good books on it are 'Women Who Love Too Much' by Robin Norwood, and 'Codependent no More' by Melody Beattie

I also did Melanie Tonia Evans' NARP programme and it changed my life. I feel so free now, to follow my own dreams, rather than being on that endless desperate search for love.
.

AnnaNimmity Sat 02-May-20 08:59:55

yes I thought so at the time - well at the time I just thought I was massively in love.

but in retrospect in my case I was trauma bonded. I've been in love since and it's very different . I would say that it if it's so toxic, awful, imbalanced, if you allow them to treat you awfully, over and over again, then it isn't love and you need counselling. It is right that you need to love yourself more.

Zaphodsotherhead Sat 02-May-20 10:08:50

I don't know.

I've been married three times and the last one I was just so in love. All through our relationship I would congratulate myself on having found the right one. I used to get shivers during the day, thinking how happy I was, how good our relationship was. It was equal and balanced, we could talk about anything, communication was great, sex life was great, we were so much looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together.

And then he left me. He hadn't felt the same, apparently.

It's put me off. Made me now unable to trust my feelings because I felt that I put my emotion; my happiness in the relationship, onto him and believed he felt the same way. So now I can't ever be sure that I won't do that again.

But I'm happily single, so the situation shouldn't arise again.

Tiny2018 Sat 02-May-20 10:44:37

Yes, for nearly twelve years. As posted in another thread, I was besotted with him and him me apparently, though it didn't stop him sleeping with his ex the first weekend I was out of town.
My whole existence was wrapped up in him. If we fell out, I couldn't function. He was all I could think about. Incredibly unhealthy.
I honestly don't remember many times that I was genuinely happy with him though. I'd had a few normal ltr before him, so I knew what a healthy relationship looked and felt like, but I just couldn't seem to let this one go. Any time we went out, we would fall out, I always felt that deep down he never really liked me as a person anyway. My confidence and self esteem were badly shattered in the process to the point I almost checked myself into a mental ward. It was, by far, the worst time of my life.
Initially he treated me extremely poorly. My confidence began to return when I went back to uni and got a job, but the resentment from the earlier treatment meant that I began to treat him with utter contempt. We were just caught up in the most awful, dark and toxic thing ever, it really was horrid.
I look back now and honestly do not know what I saw in him or why I stayed so long. Initially I enjoyed spending time with him, by the end I often silently wished him dead.
Be careful of anything that feels 'too much', your gut instinct us telling you something isn't right.

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