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Advice needed on family situation...

(8 Posts)
redapple Thu 13-Sep-07 21:21:48

A situation arose today and I am not sure the best way to deal with it, so looking to you lot for advice...

My ex Step FIL was in previous marriage before marrying my Ex MIL, he had two kids who he lost contact with quite quickly (he left to be with my exMIL, said the wife turned kids against him, visits traumatic and he thought best just to cut all ties)

He suddenly had phone contact from old family last year to say now grown up daughter was gravely ill, contact was bitter from them and finished within a week.

In a very strange twist of fate, far too complicated to explain, it emerged today that the daughter is the best friend of someone I work with. The daughter is still gravely ill, wants nothing to do with her Dad and her friend has got the knives out ready for him.

It is unlikely, but not impossible, that the friend could bump into my exstepFIL as he still helps me out (picking up kids from school etc.)

Ok, do I just keep my head down and not mention to ex's family that I have this connection with his daughter? Do I tell them and then ban exstepFIL from coming near workplace?

Chances are nothing too dramatic is going to happen but got a bad feeling this is a huge can of worms ready to explode...

SpeccieSeccie Thu 13-Sep-07 21:28:08

Do you have to ban the ex Step FIL from coming to your office? Could you just tell the colleague and agree to warn her if you know he's coming by and that way she can just avoid meeting her friend at work?

redapple Thu 13-Sep-07 21:39:58

Colleague is spitting fire, if she 'ever sees the motherf**ker kind of statements.

To be fair she isn't giving me a hard time and it really isn't very likely they would bump into each other...I just wonder if it is only fair to explain to my ex stepFIL. I now know all sorts of information about his daughter, including where she lives. He won't talk about it so I don't know if he wants to try and make contact (especially as she is so ill)

But I feel for the daughter, I don't want to stir things up for her at such a difficult time.

I want to just keep my head down and not get involved, but I want todo the right thing. Can't decide whether to not say anything and just take the chance that nothing will come of it.

lornaloo Thu 13-Sep-07 21:43:54

Thats a tough one. I would probably keep out of it. If exFIL really wants to see her then he would make more effort iyswim. He obviously isnt that fussed. So to keep the piece I wouldnt say anything if I were you.

CarGirl Thu 13-Sep-07 21:44:51

think I would keep my head down and hope for the best! If his dd was wanting to contact him it would be different, she doesn't want to see him tell your exFIL no information about her you've been told it "in confidence" because they have said stuff never dreaming that you know any of her family IYSWIM

redapple Thu 13-Sep-07 21:55:33

I feel a bit bad to not tell exFIL but, as you said, I was told things in confidence and it's the dd who deserves to call this one.

I hate knowing secrets, makes me feel uncomfortable. I once knew something that I kept from a friend who was dying, making the decision not to give her saddness in her last few days. It's eaten me up ever since whether I had the right to keep that information from her.

Think I will just say nothing and keep fingers crossed.

redapple Thu 13-Sep-07 21:56:59

I wish people would stop telling me important stuff I can't talk about!

lornaloo Fri 14-Sep-07 10:13:22

It must be really hard, but I do honestly think in this particular situation it would do no good ex FIL knowing. If anything it would just upset him knowing he can't see his dd. I mean you could possibly say to your friend that you know him but will keep quiet..she may perhaps tell exfil dd and he may have a sudden change of heart you never know and then the balls in there court not yours.?

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