I'm sorry if this turns put to be a really long post, I don't know what I'm looking for writing this post, whether it's just venting or gathering advice but I'm at my wits end with my closest and oldest friend!!
She's been with her DP for 5 years now and they're literally made for each other and I've never seen such a wonderful couple and she's been so, so happy!
But 6 months go things changed after she caught him looking at porn on his phone. He wasn't masturbating, just watching it. She was upset and he reassured her that he was just watching it cause he was bored and couldn't sleep.
A month or so after this she found a tissue discarded down by the side of the toilet and it had semen on it. He'd lazily chucked the tissue into the toilet and clearly missed and fell on the floor instead and, again, this upset her. He apologised and was very embarrassed about it.
She's now got it into her head that he does nothing but watch porn and masturbate whenever she isn't at home, and she brings it up every time we see each other. I've tried to reason with her many a times over the last few months, telling her how my DP masturbates and so do I and its normal for some people, also reminded her that she owns sex toys herself (doesn't count apparently cause she doesn't watch porn), but I feel like I'm not getting anywhere.
I've asked if this has been an issue in any previous relationships and she said no, and she was fine with her all her boyfriends masturbating because, and I quote, "there was never any evidence they were doing it." Now that she's seen her DP watch porn and found 1 tissue its caused massive insecurities and her self esteem has plummeted.
She has now started combing through his internet search history for porn websites, checking which girls he follows/searches for on social media etc.
She admitted she's not worried he might cheat/message with any of these girls, its just the fact he's looking at them and possibly masturbating, and she's obsessing about it and I'm getting to the point I'm worried she's making herself ill as its obviously consuming her.
I'm glad she's able to confide in me but this morning, after listening to her go through all this again, how she's struggling to leave him home alone and go out with her friends etc cause she's worried he'll be watching porn/checking out girls and wanking, I admit, i snapped and told her to just leave him as she clearly isn't happy in the relationship and she burst into tears telling me that I don't understand, maybe I don't, but it doesn't mean that I'm not worried about her.
I just don't know what to do and say to her anymore! I don't want to go NC with her cause I love her, dearly but this is now putting a strain on my relationship with her and it's stressing me out and I dread seeing her tbh. I honestly don't think she's open and honest about how she feels with her DP either, so as far as I'm aware he's clueless. Sorry again for the long post.
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Relationships
At my wits end with my bestfriend and her boyfriend
Aibu23456 · 28/02/2020 04:08
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