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How do I go about leaving someone I love?

(10 Posts)
Loopylou6 Fri 14-Feb-20 00:11:50

Alcoholic, history of tonic clonic seizures x3 I love him. He's not a bad person, but I can't deal with constantly living in fear of what he is drinking, monitoring his every move, terrified he's going to fit again... how could I leave him? He might die

12345kbm Fri 14-Feb-20 00:34:54

OP I'm more concerned about you and how you ended up in this situation in the first place. Are you getting any support? He's a grown man and responsible for his own safety. Give him the details of various organisations such as AA and Epilepsy Action. Advise him to go and see his Doctor for support.

You sound like his carer and that's a tough job and often thankless. Does he have any close family left? Can you inform them that you are leaving so they know what's going on?

I hope you get some support for yourself because you may end up with another addict. Could be workaholic, drugs, gambling, sex but they are all unavailable because their primary relationship is with their drug of choice. Perhaps spend some time unpacking why you chose someone unavailable instead of worrying about him.

Loopylou6 Fri 14-Feb-20 01:26:20

Wow, it's so nice to hear someone is concerned about me. I have support, but limited. He keeps fooling me that he's getting better. It makes my anxiety worse.

12345kbm Fri 14-Feb-20 10:36:24

He's an alcoholic and they don't 'get better'. He's choosing to take his life in his hands drinking when he has epilepsy. He knows how it's affecting you but doesn't care. His primary relationship is with alcohol, not you. If you asked him to choose, he'd choose his drink of choice.

Let him get on with it and get some help for yourself. Have you heard of codependency? It might help you to read Melody Beattie Codependent No More and look into CoDA.

Loopylou6 Fri 14-Feb-20 21:01:53

Thank you 1234, I'll look up that book.

user1481840227 Fri 14-Feb-20 21:54:16

Are you in love with him? Or do you just love him? or is it just that you feel responsible for him?

Double3xposure Fri 14-Feb-20 22:07:43

Get yourself to al anon. It will help meeting other people like yourself.

It can be tough at first, give it a few meetings until you get used to it.

Loopylou6 Sun 16-Feb-20 00:27:45

I love him. I don't think I'm in love with him. I feel like I can't leave. He might hurt himself

Double3xposure Sun 16-Feb-20 00:53:02

That’s why you need to go to al anon and speak to other people who are in the same situation. They will understand and help you.

RosesFan Sun 16-Feb-20 00:53:20

I've just left my alcoholic husband. It was a very hard thing to do but I had to put me and the children first. He's not a bad person but alcohol is his first priority. It's so hard but he's not going to change and I can't put up with it anymore. You deserve more OP.

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