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Can stbx stay on the mortgage and it not effect his ability to get another mortgage?

(104 Posts)
Rainbow03 Tue 11-Jun-19 22:35:17

If my stbx can’t be removed from the mortgage after a divorce as I don’t earn enough to take it on solely, is there anyway to stop it from effecting his lending ability on a new flat? I can afford it on my own but the bank doesn’t view it that way.

I don’t want him to be effected and I would take 100% liability for it!

combatbarbie Sat 15-Jun-19 09:38:58

His share means nothing if he wont agree to a deal..... The judge may well award 70/30 split in your favour but with caveat you stay in house until son is 18.

I wouldn't make him a trustee in any case as he will always have a hold over you. And that's what he wants

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 09:55:25

Sorry wait a minute can I report abuse now after I filed for divorce and they take that into account for me getting the help. He has shouted and threatened my so many times over the last 9 months of the settlement. I thought it was only abuse I reported before I filed. The only record I have was me telling the doctor as he asked my why I was suffering from anxiety about 2 years ago. I told he my husband makes me nervous as he has a temper.

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 10:00:29

I thought court would cost £15,000 -£25,000 on average. If we both ended up spending that there would be nothing in the settlement and I would need to sell the house to pay the fees. My husband is not making idol threats, he is absolutely serious, he will not agree and take it as far as he can and spend as much as he can. I have had 11 years of being controlled over money, he is money crazy, he would rather die, he is unhinged!

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 10:05:17

He has also told me he has got advice and he doesn’t have to agree on anything, he doesn’t need to leave the house and can’t be forced to for many years. So if I want to bring in lawyers he will do nothing just stay in the house quit his job and I’ll have to stay in my mums house with our son because I can’t live with the abuse, and he knows I’ll stay away to protect our son. He is a selfish pig of a man!

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 10:06:01

Everything is and always has been on his terms!

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 10:08:35

If I take the trust offer he said he will only pay me £100 a month in CM and he wants this written in the consent order. He earned last year £40,000.

Jaffacakebeast Sat 15-Jun-19 10:14:36

If you will be working part time and single will you get taxcredit/UC? Some mortgage providers take these into consideration, along with CM

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 10:17:32

Yes my bank took that into account and it wasn’t enough.

LemonTT Sat 15-Jun-19 10:43:10

It is not an option for him not to pay CMS no matter what is written in the consent order. It is not a thing you or he can negotiate on. It is an entitlement for you child and you cannot give it away to stay in this house.

If you want to stay in the house you need to be able to demonstrate you can afford the mortgage. You need to find out how much you can borrow with or without your mothers help. Then base your decision around that and the need to find “a” secure home for your child.

You can apply for a mesher order that could mean his share of the equity is not released for a period of time. Isn’t this what the solicitor advised. If so, go with this and present the offer to him formally and ask for his reply formally.

combatbarbie Sat 15-Jun-19 11:11:55

Have you called womans aid, i would speak to them about the emotional and financial abuse.

The CM is not negotiable and if he quits his job he wont get any benefits.

Keep things formal..... Do not engage with him verbally, his threats are idle. You are in a stronger position as you have DS for a favourable split on marital home with a mesh order.

He is manipulating you so now you need to grey rock and let it ride over you.... Easier said than done but you need to emotionally remove him from your headspace.

katewhinesalot Sat 15-Jun-19 11:25:08

The trust thing is a good idea but only for some of the equity. If he walks away with 25k of savings for his deposit then you get the equivalent left in the house for you. Any extra which would normally be divided equally between you, could then be protected for your son.

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 11:28:41

I have already resolved the mortgage, I can borrow £30,000 and my mum has agreed to fund the £25,000 shortfall.

I would be fine with a Mesher order but it would not be under his terms of 50/50 as I have our son 5 days a week and can’t have the same earning power as he has. He won’t agree to any other spilt so that would mean going to court and fighting it out. The reason I accepted his offer of 50/50 with his share in the house going into a trust for our son was because 5 years ago when we bought the house my parents gave me a large amount of money as like an early inheritance. At the time I didn’t realise I was being manipulated. He refused a trust and wore me down so we don’t have one to protect that gift. The figure going into the trust would be an almost identical figure that was gifted to me so in a way it’s like we are giving my inheritance to my son and I’m happy with that!

But all of this revolves around whether his offer was serious. For now I have to give him a bit of time to get advice and in the meantime the solicitor will try to get the divorce paperwork moving forward as he still won’t sign the petition and I’m waiting on my deemed to be served application outcome.

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 11:30:27

Yes I would get more equity to compensate for the saving he would be taking, but overall it would be 50/50 of the whole marital assets.

combatbarbie Sat 15-Jun-19 11:56:19

Where are the savings OP, in the interim i would seriously consider freezing the accounts until the courts decide.... Providing they are in joint names of course, which i hope they are!!!!

Banks will do this on joint accts to stop the other clearing the accounts

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 11:58:25

There is only a small amount left in the joint account as he opened a new sole account and moved a lot before I noticed. There is a paper trial tho so it can be seen what he did!

combatbarbie Sat 15-Jun-19 11:59:28

Been thinking about this..... If it were me id offer 70/30 on the house with mesh order and 50/50 on any other assets including his pension and not budge. The only thing i would negotiate is not claiming on his pension. I think that is more than fair. Dont let it get into a battle, offer it, if he refuses then just get to court. Easiest way to keep costs down.

combatbarbie Sat 15-Jun-19 12:01:00

With the money he has moved, the judge will/can ask for financial disclosure so if he spends it all...... The judge will not be impressed..... All goes in your favour

Shylo Sat 15-Jun-19 12:16:35

I think the trust idea is a terrible one .... your ex will want to be a trustee which gives him control over you for the rest of your life. I think it also stores up problems further down the line if you were to sell the house and look to downsize because I doubt the trust would agree to follow you

PicsInRed Sat 15-Jun-19 12:25:07

Don't believe what he tells you.
He's on a different team now - the opposing team.

Listen to what your own solicitor tells you (and put their advice through the filter of your own information about your ex).

TBH, you are going to need an aggressive and resilient solicitor AND barrister.

Rainbow03 Sat 15-Jun-19 12:47:59

I don’t think we have ever been on the same side tbh. But the solicitor I’ve chosen scared the crap out of me to be fair it doesn’t take much . He is of the same ethnicity also and from the same country so he says understands my Husbands tactics and it wouldn’t scare him at all!

Rainbow03 Sun 16-Jun-19 18:24:30

Today we had another bad argument and have spoken to colleagues at work all day and have decided to sell the house. Everybody is giving me the same advice, if I stay in the house I will forever have to hear about it, he will always have some control over my life. He is a bully and will throw it in my face. The solicitor told me I will get enough equity to get a 2 bed in our area without a mortgage so I’m happy with that. I don’t want any Meshers or trusts that just delays the inevitable. He now wants a trigger to say I can’t ever have another man move in, and I want another life. He also told me he wants to put half the equity of the house in the trust and take all the savings/pension, he won’t offset the mortgage. He also said he will only give me £100 month CM when he earns £3,500 and is self employed and will make my life hard if I go for more. I’m beginning to hate this man and I hoped we would be able to co-parent well but he is a bully and he intimidates me when he can’t get his way!

This morning he rang me after going into work and driving back to tell me he had no clients at work so I’m coming to get our son. He has our son on a Monday/Tuesday as these are his days off (and he often then cancels and says he can’t the day before). He gave me 10 mins notice before I leave for work to get all his stuff ready for 3 days so I ended up rushing. I wasn’t exactly happy at the way he did it but it’s Father’s Day so I said that’s fine but I have an evening dinner planned so I’d pick him up at 5. He absolutely flipped, shouting and swearing down the phone. How dare I stop him seeing his child on Father’s Day (even tho he could have him from 9-5) I’m playing a game, he is going to make me suffer, won’t agree to anything in the divorce....blah blah and loads of swear words. I don’t really understand why he flipped like this. If it was so important to spend the day with Ds why didn’t he just book the day off and give me notice. Why is it that because he didn’t have clients he thought I know I’ll spent the day with Ds as I’ve nothing better on offer!
Am I being unreasonable?

So this is why I have changed my mind about hanging onto the house. Although it holds lots of memories for me of my dad that passed last year, if I don’t separate myself emotionally I will probably end up following my dad!

katewhinesalot Sun 16-Jun-19 23:46:47

I think that's the best option. He's angry now and trying to pay you back for rejecting his efforts to keep control of you through the house.
However hard it is try not to react to his anger. That's what he wants. Keep calm and civil.

Rainbow03 Mon 17-Jun-19 07:42:11

It’s hard to not react when he says I’m coming to collect Ds whether you like it or not, he is MY son! I had to leave for work in 5 mins so just agreed. I’m so very upset over how this happened, he couldn’t get his way so out came the bully and he got his own way. I can’t continue to live like this! What do I do?

Happinessbegins Mon 17-Jun-19 08:22:51

You have done the right thing re the house. I wrecked my brains about how to keep the house when I divorced and it would have been so complicated that it was easier to sell up. When you have got an awkward obstructive ex like I had and you obviously have it’s impossible to negotiate reasonably and they will never change.

Happinessbegins Mon 17-Jun-19 08:23:39

Wracked my brains I mean.

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