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what should I do

(7 Posts)
wheretostart Mon 23-Jul-07 19:38:12

I want to leave my dh. We've had a very.. tempestous relationship, we have major arguments and huge fights. After the birth of dc1 I decided I'd had enough, but I wanted dc2 so... I stayed. Now, after dc2, I know I have to leave. He's a great dad, but I don't love him. We fight constantly, so much so strangers have asked why we're together, and I'm tired of the fighting. We went to relate, after the birth of dc1, it didn't help.

He tells me frequently mid fight that I have to change. I know I can't change to what he'd like me to be.

I'm in a dilemma, I'm working full time over the summer as a childminder. We've just bought our first house together too. Practicality wise, I don't know what to do. I've talked briefly to the council who say I won't be eligible for a council house as I'll be leaving him, he won't throw me out as he'll want me to stay. I haven't got much money, well none that's my own, and we don't have much between us.

How do people do this??? If I move out, where does that leave our mortgage, we haven't paid anything off really but he won't be able to afford to make repayments on his own, without my contribution. I won't be able to pay rent anywhere else if I'm contributing to the mortgage.

Even if I did get a council place, I doubt they'd guarantee somewhere I could work from, I'd be letting down all the children and famililes I look after. Part of me thinks I should spend at least the summer saving up what I can so we have some cash when I leave, but I'm struggling staying and not telling him.

Where does it leave my children too? What are his rights as a father? Would he get to keep them?

I have no idea how I will tell his family I don't have any family, they're all I have and they're going to be so disappointed

wheretostart Mon 23-Jul-07 19:57:12

I've just reread that and I've come off so whingey.. I know I've brought it all on myself but if anyone can help...

Mommalove Mon 23-Jul-07 22:54:26

Message withdrawn

Tortington Mon 23-Jul-07 22:56:55

well you have to agree to a divorce - pu the house on the market. tell the council you are about to be homeless - they will re-house you.

the only complicationw ill be housing benefit -any equity left - youwill notbe entitled to benefits until you have used any profit.

controlfreakyflitwick Mon 23-Jul-07 23:01:16

...... get advice from cab / solicitor before you do that...... council may say you are voluntarily homeless.....

doormat Mon 23-Jul-07 23:01:43

firstly never mind the faqmilies you are helping
you need to help your self first

cant you go away on your own for a few days at least and think things over
and if you still feel the same well i would leave if i felt that way

yeh if you dont stay bills wont be paid etc etc
but your life wont be fulfilled neither and you will regret it in later years as you will become even more in a rut financially and emotionally

I would go and see a gp too first to see if you have some sort of depression
maybe the reality of being over committed financially and emotionally has weighed you down a bit

good luck though whatever happens but seriously take some time out to think and straighten yourself out before you make a life changing decision

Tortington Mon 23-Jul-07 23:07:31

your not voluntary homeless if its a marital breakdown.

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