Want more children but DP doesn't?

[Rosieposie9]

DP and I have 1 child together and he has 2 older children from a previous relationship. We had never really discussed how many children either of us wanted which looking back now was probably a mistake. It only came up in conversation when he suggested I gave away all our babies stuff which has been outgrown. He says he doesn't want anymore, but I know I want another baby at some point. I am late 20s and just can't face the idea of not being able to have anymore. He has basically said he doesn't want anymore but that if I did he would have to think about it. I already know that I definitely do, but can't have a child which I know he doesn't want. Is this the end of our otherwise happy relationship? Obviously it's something that could be discussed further but he's made it very clear he doesn't want one. I won't change my mind on the fact I definitely do. We have the space for another and financially we could afford it so neither of those things are the issue. He sees his family complete now he has 3 children. I had always wanted 2 children of my own

[Slavica]

Hi Rosieposie9. I've been there, which is why I could not not respond to your post. The only difference is that my DH's only child (and mine) is the one we have together.

He loves DD but did not want another - beforehand we only spoke about "children", but neither of us specified what we meant. I am an only child and wanted more than one. He is one of three and wanted one... I suspect he would have possibly been amenable to trying for another one if we had had a boy, but I'll never know.

I pleaded and cried for thee years, periodically, explaining my thoughts, my feelings, the yearning, from the time she was 2 until she was 5. It did not work. I could not consider tricking him into it, and I could not persuade him. My choice was therefore a happy three-person family with him or leaving him, a man I love and respect, with whom I've built a good life, for a vague hope of another child. In the end I stopped talking about it and decided that was it, my marriage and family were good as they were and further discussions were fruitless and made both of us sad.

Nobody can tell you what decision might be right for you, or whether you might be able to persuade your DH to reconsider. It helped that my DD never asked for a sibling (something I did as a child, a lot). I am now 43 and the yearning has passed. I wish it could have been different, but the thought doesn't leave me in a flood of tears any longer.

[Rosieposie9]

Thank you for your reply
Unfortunately I think it's something I'd massively regret as I get older. Obviously if I couldn't conceive it's a different matter but just not being able to have another because he doesn't want one is breaking me already

[ReaganSomerset]

He said he'd have to think about it. Sounds like there might be wiggle room? I would ask him to think about it right now and see what he comes up with. If he says no and you want to go elsewhere to fulfill your dream then do that.

[toddman70]

How old is your DP? How old is your child together?

[Rosieposie9]

He's 35 I'm 29

[Nc1548]

It didn't sound like a definite no, maybe he'll like the idea more when your little one is a bit older.

[GreenFingersWouldBeHandy]

He has basically said he doesn't want anymore but that if I did he would have to think about it.

I guess it depends if he means this, or if he's just saying that to keep you hanging on. I think you need to talk to him again.

[Mum2boys1girl]

I don't have any advice am just watching as my relationship same but opposite I have 3 kids two pervious and one with my OH I don't want any more atm but he might want to. I hope it works out for you