Apologies in advance as this will probably be long and rambling.
I went on a date on Saturday, it went OK and he seems like a lovely person.
But he told me he doesn't know what he wants and might be going off travelling.
I told him I do know what I want and that is to settle down, which in an ideal world would be true, I would love to find a good honest man who would love me and wants to be with me.
But on the other hand, I don't know if I do want to live with a man, I've got one 8yo ds and I don't want any more kids, I would have liked more but I would need to be married and I'm running out of time for that to happen.
Ive had a couple of very short term relationships in the last year.
One we connected on an intellectual and sexual level but both knew it wasn't really going anywhere.
We had a good time together but he became a bit condescending in the end and I got the impression he thought he was too good for me.
The other one was a good guy but at a different life stage to me and ultimately decided to take a job abroad. Again I think we both knew deep down it wouldn't progress although we did care for each other.
I don't know if I should just enjoy these things for what they are, a connection with someone on one level or another, for however long it lasts.
Or hold out for what I think I want.
I would like to find someone that loves me enough to choose me over the job or the travelling.
But I am very independent and I wonder if I should just continue to bring my son up alone until he's grown. Maybe have the odd fling that doesn't impact him.
I do have a tenancy to overthink.
I think I'm probably a commitment phobe, for various reasons. And I understand that is maybe feeding into the choices I'm making in men.
Any insight would be welcome if anyone can make any sense of what I'm saying. It is a bit of a mess.
I need to decide if I want to see Saturdays date again.
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Relationships
I don't know how to have a relationship, or if I even want one.
16 replies
Bluebellsarebells · 04/12/2018 22:24
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