Contact

[Georgie11]

I am a great believer in children having contact with both parents, even after separation. However, my belief is now being tested to the limit. My ex-partner who lost me everything - my house, my car, my career -was still allowed access to his daughter. After he took her on a Class A drugs run where she ended up in a police station, I tried to organised a supervised contact order but her father would not have it. I have to endure his being in my flat in order to see her which often results in him insulting me and physically threatening me. He is currently in prison for aggrevated assault. Am I being unreasonable in stopping contact?

[AngryMob]

It sounds like you need to speak to the police and a solicitor about getting a restraining order against him - for you and your child.

[1sue1]

I'd write to him and keep a copy to show your daughter one day - in it, outline everything he has ever done wrong by his daughter. Then tell him he can only see her in the future if she instigates.

[Georgie11]

Thanks for your responses. I am a person who constantly tries to keep everyone happy (often to my own detriment). My daugther wants to see her father and I have not bad-mouthed him to her at all (although I have written it all down). I just feel for my own sanity that I cannot be around him (and I cannot allow her to be with him without my being present). Do I put my needs first or my daugther's wish to see him?

[fransmom]

i think you would put her safety first. but please see a sol to get it put legally in writing . good luck

[Georgie11]

The issue is not her safety. She is perfectly safe (physically at least) if she sees him in my presence. The issue is my hatred of being in his presence versus my daughter's need to see her father.

Thanks

[fransmom]

ah. is there someone you can trust to take her to him and bring her back? that way, you wouldn't ahve to see him so you're happy, your daughter gets to see him so she's happy.

[Georgie11]

Sadly no, all of the friends/family I trust will not have anything to do with him. He is using this isolation and my daughter's wish to see him as the excuse to meet my daughter at my home (which is intolerable to me)

[fransmom]

he doesn't sound ike a nice man at all

[Onedaysoon]

Hi, can you not get an arrangement for supervised access? It can be arranged that he sees her at a family centre, where the visit is supervised by social workers or family workers. You drop her off there, she spends time with her Dad, and you pick her up later. Just a thought?