Husbands bad habits (tmi warning)

[springerspaniel32]

I've NC as I need a little advice on my husband. We've been together twelve years married 3 with 2 children and 1 on the way. Im finding I'm becoming less and less attractive to my husband for the following reasons. He constantly talks about his bowel movements so casually and even we were out for dinner last night just the two of us and he goes whilst I'm eating I was a little constipated this morning but then had two poos. I felt this was completely inappropriate as it had nothing to do with the conversation we were having. I've hinted at him and told him directly I don't need to know as it's not the first time. Some days he goes two days without showering which I feel is really disgusting. He claims he'll have a shower in the gym then doesn't make the gym for various reasons and will come home go to bed sometimes try have sex with me, get up and go into work again then have a shower that day at the gym. His reason for not showering everyday is to not dry out his skin. When we watch tv together he'll sit there picking his nose/feet/toes constantly. I'm all for feeling comfortable around your partner but I'm finding this level just a tad off putting. How do I address this in a nice way without hurting his feelings. These bad habits have gotten increasingly worse the last few years.

[Wemadeit]

I don’t think you should worry about hurting his feelings. I think you should be direct eg please don’t pick your feet, it’s disgusting for the people around you.

Sorry to say but ime telling someone to be more hygienic doesn’t change them. They just hide their habits a bit better.

[Shoxfordian]

Be a lot more direct:

Go have a shower now smelly!
Ugh don't pick your feet
I love you but I don't want to hear about your poo

[Zoflorabore]

My dp is like this too and also displays many characteristics of Aspergers.

My ds has AS so I've lived and breathed it for years, he's 15 now.

Is your husband otherwise inappropriate? I don't mean rudely but my dp will often just speak his mind without thinking what he's saying.

[SmartyPants0]

Crickey... partner and I often discuss our bowel habits, I think you just need to tell him that it's too much information for you.

Has he always been like this and you've become less tolerant or is it new behaviour from him?

[Emmageddon]

I wouldn't worry about hurting his feelings! Tell him straight he has BO, not to pick his feet/nose/ears, his bowel movements are of no interest to you.

[lifebegins50]

Ha, my son does the bowel movements updates and I just have to keep saying "I don't need to know". He is only 11 though!

In some ways it is a sign of being completely relaxed as he would never say it infront of anyone else. It also stems from when he had problems so we did talk about it, but now he can't break the habit.

Same with your DH, he has got into bad habits, I would tackle one issue first so as not to overload. It can be hard to break habits so decide how tough you need to be, if he is sensitive or pretty robust to feedback.

[SunflowerJo08]

I'm completely brutal with my dh and tell him straight away if he pongs. He does the feet thing too. I tell him to save his disgusting habits for when I'm not there!

[AFistfulofDolores1]

Sounds like your husband is regressing. For your sanity and the health of your relationship, I'd be making it very clear that his behaviour is infantile, and not part of an adult partnership.

[springerspaniel32]

Thanks everyone I was really struggling with this and don't want to hurt his feelings but maybe I'm better pulling the bandaid off. 😊

[Huskylover1]

Actually, doctors advise that you really shouldn't shower every day. It strips your skin of natural oils etc. The recommendation is to shower twice a week! Unless he's a very sweaty person, showering every other day, is fine!

[Lipsticktraces]

Twice a week?

Just tell him op. I’ll happily tell my DH if he (rarely) smells. The bowel habit stuff is something I couldn’t cope with either. Why would you need to know that?

[peekyboo]

I'm assuming OP means he's not washing in between showers, though? Missing a shower wouldn't matter if he was actually washing. Bet he isn't.