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Feeling strong and ready for this, cheating partner foiled!!

(17 Posts)
3rdbump Fri 10-Aug-18 05:14:16

In a nut shell i have found hard evidence of my partner of 16 years and 4 kids cheating on me throughout most of last year with at least 2 people. We have always had ups and downs and his drinking has played a major role in our fall outs, but i didn't think he would actually cheat on me. He had one of his drinking episodes tonight and left both his work and personal phone in his van, i honestly only got it out to call his workmate to see whwre the F he was with tea and happened to have a rifle. All seemed okay then i delved into a whatsapp message with this bloke he knows whome i have never every liked or trusted (amazing how gut feelings don't lie) basically bragging about a girl he had been shagging and saying all sorts of shit which to me was like reading nother persons conversation!! then theres this woman who lives by us, always told me he dislike her and shes always been funny with me - well well well found messengers on FB which details about him seeing her friend and how he was arranging to bring her round the house whilst i was out!!! these go back about 2 years, he always messaging her casually, nipping round there and everything , although theres no talk of them getting it on theres certainly alot of messages about condoms being XXL- really is news to my ears!! never knew a thing. He's certainly NOT the same person i though he was. Things make sense now - for instance i found a condom wrapper by the side of our bed which we have never had before - and he was accusing me (jokingly) of it, eurgh it makes me feel sick. I took pics of all the messages.
He came back at 3am banging the door and windows (live in a byngalow)threatening to smash the place in. I chucked him his phones and hes driven off in the van. Didnt mention the messages i had seen - until i got a whattsapp of him saing "I almost died today but who gives a fuck eh? "" so i casually sent about 14 screen shots of the messages i found and i managed to find the girl he was shagging on fb so a nice screenshot of that too went on. i then wrote come and get your bags tomorrow morning they will be on the doorstep followed by i never knew you where such good friends with alice and put a thumbs up
He seen the messages and i have not heard back since. That was at4.35am hes now off line. Only last week he was shouting and wearing telling me how much of a effin bitch i am etc etc
BUT next week the sale of our land is due to complete and yes i am taking my share and the kids and going to start up again without him. I finally feel strong and feel like the money will let me start again.
I am going through a rough time, our 13 yr old daughter had a liver transplant 5 weeks ago and now my dad is critically ill (stroke) and got to dash up to be supportive for my mum. It has been a very tough rough ride for me these past 6 months, my daughter is doing really good and i am hoping my dad can pull through. As for TOM he an go fuck himself!!! I don't care how self identifying this post is, i have NOTHING to feel ashamed about - he on the other end has. He won't have the joy and pleasure of living with us anymore, if he wants to act like a complete moron and fuck other woman and drink drive then so be it! He's clearly made his choice and had SO many chances.
ADIOS you complete waster!!!

3rdbump Fri 10-Aug-18 05:17:09

PS i have not slept a wink and need to be up at 7

Jaxtellerswife Fri 10-Aug-18 05:28:08

Fucking good for you and well done! Bin off the wanker and get on with your life👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
What a piece of 💩
I hope your daughter continues to do well and I hope your dad recovers also. What an evil person, particularly when your daughter has been going through so much

2018SoFarSoGreat Fri 10-Aug-18 05:30:28

Best of luck for your DD and your dad. Sounds like you are going to be busy fine without this ass. 👌

burningsugar Fri 10-Aug-18 05:33:12

🙌🏻🙌🏻 you are a legend!!! And sound like a very strong woman. Here's to a new and amazing chapter in you and your darling children's lifewine

Butterymuffin Fri 10-Aug-18 08:00:46

Good for you. You can deal with the hard stuff and at least you won't have him dragging you down! flowers for your dad and DD and wine for you.

AgentProvocateur Fri 10-Aug-18 08:04:14

Onwards and upwards. You’re better off without that waste of space. All the best to your DD and Dad, and I hope your future is bright and happy flowerswine

sexnotgender Fri 10-Aug-18 08:04:29

Good on you! Fuck him.

He clearly has absolutely no respect for you.

ripironlady2018 Fri 10-Aug-18 13:16:28

I applaud you OP, well done. I hope things get better with the health of your family but you're own wellbeing will only improve, having gotten rid of him.

MissLadyM Fri 10-Aug-18 14:00:42

What a fucking bastard! Stay strong and move on. Arsehole!

MissLadyM Fri 10-Aug-18 14:01:09

Ps sending much love for your daughter x

yetmorecrap Fri 10-Aug-18 14:40:14

What an utter and total tosser!! Get yourself checked out OP too, sorry but has to be done unless you had no sex life . Blokes like this need bloody to be on some kind of tosser list, so decentcwomen can avoid them

SomeKnobend Fri 10-Aug-18 14:55:45

Well done. Get some legal advice ASAP about your share of the marital assets, if you've given up work to look after children, affecting your earning potential, you may be entitled to significantly more than 50%.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 Fri 10-Aug-18 16:16:15

Well done 3rd!!!! Your second very pragmatic post made me laugh - strong women- still getting shit done even in the middle of a crisis!!!

3rdbump Sat 11-Aug-18 00:20:21

Day one went like this -
He was insisting he wasn't lieing swearing he was telling the truth that he never met the woman online who he had been talking about. I text Alice who is very clearly taking toms side and backing him all the way (she's a twat and told her So too) So I messaged the actual woman who turned out to be very understanding. She instantly sent me 16 pages of messages of him basically chatting about meeting etc (none of this talk was sleazy bit clearly going toward the affair) she was upfront told her about our daughetrs liver transplant she had very recently and she said he was a shitbag and felt no one should be treated the way hes treated me. She also apologised and hoped me and kids would be okay. But man I saw the date when he last messaged her which was last weekend!!! I flipped my lid. I then got out of him (which was like getting blood from a stone) that he slept with someone about 2 years ago but really I think there's been more inbetween. He's now crying, sobbing very remorseful he's deleted his fb account. Told him he's only sorry he got caught! hmm Said he was consumed by guilt and this is the reason he didn't wanna get married hmm but of course if I had not foiled him then he would of carried on messaging that woman and slept with her. He can't evwn blame it on the drink as he messaging her from our bed at 7 am making out the kids had been collected after he had them all weekend as he was trying to come across as a single dad!!! hmm he can cry and beg all he wants but he makes my skin crawl. I have analysed all the messages and everyone he thinks he can talk me round I just look at them again. He knows it's for real he knows his bubble has burst and he knows I mean it. Never seen him so upset!! Now maybe he will start to feel a tiny bit how I have felt everytime he has sent me into modes of anxiety due to his selfish behaviour.
Found a house which hoping to view next week and fingers crossed we complete next week.
Also on anorher note I got a call from hospital about daughters bloods and now we have to go in Sunday night for a biopsy on the new liver as she may have rejection so that's a 4 day stay in hospitalsad was hoping to see my dad today but after zero sleep it wasn't a good idea then I gained a puncture so now need a new effing tyre first thing. Seriously I could write a freaking book.At the moment he is on the sofa til I get the tyre on the car tomorrow (he has to pick it up in his van ) which I am not overly happy with. Also because he was in a state (for someone who came across as so fecking arrogant and cocky on his messages) crying sobbing shaking saying what am I going to do etc etc (whilst I remained calm) I called his apparent friend to see if he could collect him and he could stay there til I move out. Guess what the man whome he jobs off his own family for on a regular basis could not be arsed coming over to see him or tall to him said he was busy. hmm so now all his so called mates don't really give a shit cause they are just drinking buddies after all!!!
Is it bad that I get great satisfaction finally seeing this man suffer like I have done for the best part of the relationship?!!

SomeKnobend Sat 11-Aug-18 10:23:18

Ugh sobbing and feeling sorry for himself because his selfish actions have consequences! You're so right OP, he's only sorry he got caught.

3rdbump Sat 11-Aug-18 15:20:17

precisely somenobend
I keep having really mixed emotions - sad, angry, excited (for new start) one min am crying the next feel relief. I can't help but snipe at him and still feel like punching him very hard in the face
Being under the same roof is hard, but resolved by him going out and me staying in with the kids, then later i will go see to the horses and my friend and he will stay with the kids. He is sleeping on the sofa, i woke up at 11 last night and then couldnt sleep till gone 3. I can't eat either, the last thing i ate was a bite out of a sandwich thursday night when he didnt come home sad had a smoothie which i managed and been drinking tea. Tomorrow night i will be spending 4 days in the hospital with my daughter whilst she gets the steroids for her possible rejection but will know for sure after the biopsy monday.
Told him he can stay and look after the kids, with the land selling he doesnt have any work as we are waiting for the completion next week. Was meant to be a brand new start - eurgh glad i found out now rather than being lied to for god knows how much longer. Hes a scum bag and really shown his true colours

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