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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Does my boyfriend want to marry me?

24 replies

Liley123 · 23/05/2018 11:06

We're going to Vegas and he keeps joking that we're going to get married in the white chapel. We've spoke about what we'd like our wedding to be like, if my surname would be double barrel and he even said that he'd propose to me on our one year anniversary when he was drunk which i'm kinda thinking is true as he first told me he loved me when he was drunk.

OP posts:

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KarmaStar · 23/05/2018 11:08

Do you want to marry him?

Sharkwithknees · 23/05/2018 11:08

penguinsnpandas · 23/05/2018 11:10

I think he's trying to find out if you would say yes if he asked. I would say he does.

Liley123 · 23/05/2018 11:10

Of course i do! and what's with the face Sharkwithknees?

OP posts:

catinapatchofsunshine · 23/05/2018 11:13

Is he messing with your head? That sounds like teasing, I wouldn't like it!

Surely you're only getting married in the white wedding chapel if you both want to... If he's asked you to then he's proposed, if he's taking it for granted that you will if he proposes and that he holds all the power that sounds enough to put anyone off him...

Sharkwithknees · 23/05/2018 11:13

You've been talking about getting married and him proposing - I think that's a sure sign he wants to marry you at some point!

purplelass · 23/05/2018 11:14

What makes you think he doesn't want to? Looks pretty clear he does from here!

Emma198 · 23/05/2018 11:17

How long have you been together?

Liley123 · 23/05/2018 11:20

We've only been together nine months and i'm 20 and he's 26 so i think we're abit too young at the moment and haven't been together long enough. He also likes three holidays a year and wants to save up to buy a pub so we couldn't afford one anyway so maybe that's why he's suggesting the white chapel as it's cheap

OP posts:

Justmuddlingalong · 23/05/2018 11:24

What about what you want? He wants this and that. Don't lose yourself in the relationship OP.

catinapatchofsunshine · 23/05/2018 11:38

Perhaps the right response in that case is "maybe on our next Vegas trip, if you play your cards right"!

Don't get swept along in his plans if it's not actively your plan too. Don't let the relationship become one in which he expects you to do what he's planning for you and doesn't regard you as an equal. It really sounds as if he's expecting you to be passive and dangling a carrot in front of you which he expects you to obligingly trot after, without considering that you might not want that atm.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 23/05/2018 11:41

We've only been together nine months and i'm 20 and he's 26 so i think we're abit too young at the moment and haven't been together long enough

^100% THIS! Thank god one of you is thinking sensibly!

lifebegins50 · 23/05/2018 11:42

You are very young and 9 months is no time at all to know someone.

Don't rush, why do you want to marry so young and after such a short time?

Liley123 · 23/05/2018 11:55

We're just in love

OP posts:

Emma198 · 23/05/2018 11:58

It's lovely to feel in love. But also very easy to feel like that after nine months and I'd recommend leaving it longer before making any decisions that are difficult to reverse. Not saying you definitely will end up breaking up, just be sensible about it that's all.

Ginmakesitallok · 23/05/2018 12:22

Dp and I got engaged when I was 19 and he was 24. We'd known each igher for about 3 months. We're still together 24 years later - still not married though (my mum told me not to rush into anything )

RatherBeRiding · 23/05/2018 12:32

Being in love is no reason to rush to marry. Wait for the gut-wrenching tingliness to fade, go through some tough times, see all his different side - THEN decide if you still want to marry him.

HollowTalk · 23/05/2018 12:35

Being in love is lovely, especially if it's the first time you've felt like this, but you just don't know him well enough to know whether to marry him. You can't - you have only been together for a few months and you're all loved up. You're far too young to be thinking of tying yourself to one specific person anyway. Hold fire on the wedding and enjoy being 20 and being in love.

catinapatchofsunshine · 23/05/2018 13:10

Gin Bet your mum's happy you're having a long engagement

Tbh being practical, it's less of a life changing, irreversible mistake to marry the wrong man in haste in Vegas at 20 than to have a baby with the wrong man ...

Some people marry young and are married 60 years. I was 5 years older when I met DH but we moved in together within 6 months which many would say is too fast (didn't marry for another 4 years though).

It's the idea that you are viewing your role in the relationship passively Liley that is more worrying than your age or relationship length.

Don't be flattered that he wants to marry you and just go along with it if he's taking you for granted! He should be as flattered that you'd want to marry him as you are that he proposes. He should not assume that you will marry him this year if he hasn't asked you. You should be calling the shots as much as he is.

Otherwise there is going to be a big power imbalance in your relationship, and you won't be equal. If you don't want to buy a pub, if you want to save instead of take 3 holidays, if you want to TTC or you don't want to, if you want to live in another town or he does and you don't, if he wants his brother to move in with you following a break up and you don't, or you want your mum or sister to and he doesn't... you need to know you have truly equal say.

ShatnersWig · 23/05/2018 13:32

We've only been together nine months and i'm 20 and he's 26 so i think we're abit too young at the moment and haven't been together long enough

Decades ago, getting married at 20 or 21, and after only knowing someone for nine months was more common than it is now. These days, thankfully, it is very unusual and a good thing, too. Barking mad to get married that young. You still barely know who you are, let alone someone else.

He also likes three holidays a year and wants to save up to buy a pub so we couldn't afford one anyway

He's in cloud cuckoo land then. Buying a pub, sorting out tenancy, tying in with a brewery, is very very expensive. You can't save for that and have three holidays a year. You also can't afford or go on holiday three times a year if you own and run a pub!

so maybe that's why he's suggesting the white chapel as it's cheap

And tacky. That the sort of wedding you want?

SandyY2K · 23/05/2018 14:34

If I only got told he loves me when drunk I'd not take him seriously. The inability to say it while sober is a sign of immaturity to me.

You're young. Don't rush into marriage until you know him well enough.

Adora10 · 23/05/2018 14:38

Nothing tacky about Vegas, it is what it is and you can have a lovely wedding there but you are far too young and have not known each other long enough, you are only 20 years old. A trip to Vegas aint cheap either OP.

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Ophelialovescats · 23/05/2018 14:51

You can agree/decide to get married. You do not need to be asked!

PuppetOnAString · 23/05/2018 17:02

We're just in love

You’re also still in the honeymoon period. There’s really no rush.

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